Recent Blog Posts in May 2011

As family attorneys in Pasadena know, divorce can be emotionally and mentally devastating for spouses with a fragile state of mind. But the case of Kelli Lynn Murphy is an extreme example of a woman destroyed by divorce. Murphy was arrested last week for the murder of her two young children on the eve of a hearing to discuss custody with her ex-husband.

Castle Rock, Colorado, police were shocked on the morning of Monday, May 23^rd, when they were called to Murphy’s home after she called to report she was trying to commit suicide. Officers were stunned when arrived at the home to find 9-year-old Liam and his sister Madigan, 6, dead in their bedrooms. Murphy was taken to a hospital and treated for cuts on her wrists and now faces two counts of first-degree murder, child abuse and other possible charges, authorities say.

Murphy had been through a difficult time over the last year. She and her husband had filed for bankruptcy and divorce and Kelli Murphy had received a protection order. A hearing to discuss a parenting agreement was scheduled for this week. Her ex-husband, Robert Murphy, is not considered a suspect in the murders. Kelli withdrew her request to divorce Robert on April 26,saying, “I do not want a divorce, and my husband has told me that as well. This needs to stop. We need counseling, not a divorce.”

But her request to end the divorce proceedings was denied. Sources say Kelli Murphy had slipped into a deep depression due to financial problems and the impending divorce. Things had gone from bad to worse for the Murphy family when they filed for bankruptcy last June. Court documents say the couple was over $20,000 in debt and financial problems were cited as a reason for divorce.

Divorce attorneys in Pasadena knew that the John Edwards affair scandal and divorce could potentially have criminal repercussions. After all, it was highly rumored at the time that the former vice-presidential candidate was using money from his political backers to cover up his affair with Rielle Hunter. Now the Justice Department is expected to bring criminal charges against Edwards after a 2-year investigation into whether he used political funds to help make his affair with Hunter "disappear."

Although the Edwards scandal broke back in 2008, one can’t help but notice the parallels between the current marital breakdown of Arnold and Maria Shriver. Both men were high-powered politicians. Both had affairs. Both fathered children with their mistresses. And both could potentially face jail time. An indictment for John Edwards could come in a matter of days — unless he reaches an agreement with prosecutors to plead guilty to a negotiated charge.

Federal authorities have been probing into allegations that money from wealthy supporters went to keep Rielle Hunter and her child in hiding while Edwards was on the campaign trail in 2007 and 2008. Andrew Young, Edwards’ former campaign aide, said two wealthy supporters helped supply money and the private jet that Young used to hide Hunter from the press. Young has also said that the 100-year-old widow of banking tycoon Paul Mellon gave Edwards and Hunter hundreds of thousands of dollars in checks, some of which were hidden in boxes of chocolate. Young, Hunter and other former aides of Edwards have been interviewed or called to testify before a federal grand jury. Edwards, a former trial lawyer, could lose his law license if he enters a guilty plea.

Edwards’ attorney Gregory Craig says there is no evidence that campaign funds were misused.

"John Edwards has done wrong in his life — and he knows it better than anyone — but he did not break the law," he said in a statement.

Edwards' wife, Elizabeth, died of cancer in December 2010.

KOMO News in Seattle is reporting that a local man is blaming Facebook for the collapse of his marriage. Divorce attorneys in Pasadena have seen a dramatic increase in cases like this where social media sites are being blamed for marriages breaking up.

"Randy," who wished to keep his real identity secret in order to protect his child, told KOMO, “Facebook, without a doubt, played a big part in the end of my marriage.”

At first, Randy didn’t bat an eye when his now ex-wife connected with a former college boyfriend. But as time went on and his wife’s addiction to Facebook grew more intense, Randy began to worry that she was involved romantically with her old flame.

"It got to the point of every moment she wasn't doing something, she'd be on Facebook," he said. "Unfortunately, a lot of it was with him."

Randy soon noticed changes in his wife. She began to act secretively. She changed her passwords and spent more time on her laptop in private. When questioned about what she was doing online, Randy says his wife would get defensive and close her laptop. He believes his wife got swept up in reliving the past on Facebook.

"You revert back to those days, the fun and excitement of college. It seemed innocent enough at first, but as it carries on it takes on a life of its own,” he said.

Before long, Randy found out his wife was engaging in an extramarital affair. Randy found steamy text messages on his wife’s phone and intimate online conversations with the man on her Facebook account. KOMO reports that exposure of his wife’s online infidelity drove the couple to divorce court.

Seattle attorney Juliana Wong says cases like Randy’s are common.

"You can say goodbye to the days where you find lipstick on the collar. It's not that anymore; it's these emails and text messages and postings," she said. "One of the first places that I go to is a social networking site — either Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and oftentimes maybe even LinkedIn. The Internet is written in ink, never in pencil. So when it's out there, it's out there.”

It’s a glittering event packed with chic party goers, cocktails and a couple of smiling, well-dressed hosts. The occasion? The divorce of Charles Bronfman and his wife, Bonnie. The Bronfmans are celebrating their breakup in a manner that divorce attorneys in Pasadena often see reserved for their clients' second weddings. Nevertheless, the New York couple is celebrating their breakup with a one-of-a-kind type of party.

Charles and Bonnie Bronfman tied the knot almost three years ago in classic New York style. She wore a long silk gown by Angel Sanchez as their 200 guests nibbled on dinner at the Four Seasons restaurant and danced to the music of Peter Duchin. Yet while the wedding may have been fabulous, the marriage was not. Mr. Bronfman told The New York Times that he and Bonnie were just fundamentally different.

“Bonnie is an intellectual. I am anything but. I like Florida in the winter. I like golf. I play some tennis. I don’t want to go to lectures. Our lifestyles are totally different. I thought she could show me areas of New York, and my world will be expanded. Guess what?” he said. “It didn’t work.”

Yet despite their clashing personalities, the pair remains friends.

Thus the divorce party was born. Friends of the couple in the New York area have received engraved invitations to the affair and have been instructed not to bring gifts. In an era of headline-grabbing bitter divorces, the Bronfman’s celebration stands out for being so civilized... if not a little bizarre. The point of the party is to thank their loved ones for their unwavering support. The invitations noted that the couple hopes they can all remain close to their mutual friends.

“Our differences were in everything we do," Bronfman added. "We thought those differences could mesh, but we found out the opposite. So we thought, why not tell our friends and thank them for helping us out?”

Mr. Bronfman is a former CEO of Seagram Company whom Forbes estimates is worth $2 billion, while Bonnie (now) Roche is an architect.

Pasadena, CA (PRWEB) May 20, 2011 - Celebrity Divorce Attorney, Donald P. Schweitzer, recently appeared on radio and television personality, Dr. Drew Pinsky's new television show on HLN.  Schweitzer participated in a discussion regarding the recent separation between former California Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger and wife, Maria Shriver. 

Schweitzer appeared alongside a panel of guests including comedian George Lopez' wife, Ann Lopez, television personality Kevin Frazier, and Kennedy author Laurence Leamer.

Lopez, who is in the process of a legal separation herself, spoke about her experience with celebrity divorce, as Schweitzer gave his legal analysis of what to expect in such divorce cases.  Drew allowed each panel member to discuss their insight into the recent surprise separation announcement made public by Schwarzenegger and Shriver.

In addition to Dr. Drew, Schweitzer has also provided his legal analysis on numerous television programs including The O'Reilly Factor, Nancy Grace, In Session, and Studio B with Shepard Smith.

Schweitzer is a Certified Family Law Specialist with over 15 years of trial experience.  Prior to going into private practice, Mr. Schweitzer served as a Deputy District Attorney in Orange County for 8 years. Mr. Schweitzer worked in numerous units within the District Attorney's office including, Writs and Appeals, Family Support, Municipal Court, Felony Panel, Gang Target, Felony Filing, and the Sexual Assault Unit.  H e is a member of the American Bar Association, the California State Bar, Los Angeles Bar Association, and the Pasadena Bar Association.

If you’re seeking divorce advice in Pasadena, it’s a good idea to familiarize yourself with alimony laws. If, however, you’re getting a divorce in Boston, Massachusetts, keeping up with alimony laws could be a tricky and confusing thing. The state which is known for its progressive stance on marriage — both straight and gay — is currently embroiled in debate surrounding lifetime alimony. A new proposed state law could get rid of Massachusetts' longstanding, lifetime alimony policy.

Current Massachusetts state law does not contain duration limits for alimony, meaning that regardless if your marriage lasts 50 years or 50 months you could end up paying your former spouse alimony until their last breath. It is strictly up to judges to decide how much alimony a spouse should receive based on employment, assets, length of marriage and other factors. For divorce lawyers in Massachusetts, reform is a long time coming. Lifetime alimony is a thing of the past in many states as most consider it a holdout from the days when wives did not work.

"Most judges today expect that both spouses will go to work. That is one of the differences that drives this. That wasn't the view years ago, but it is the view now,” Linda Lean Viken, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, said in an interview with the Associated Press.

The proposed law would end lifetime alimony payments in most cases while mandating a cap on how much one spouse is ordered to pay the other. The length of the marriage would then determine how much alimony spouses would receive. The new law would categorize alimony in an attempt to limit the length of time alimony is paid.

State Senator Cynthia Creem says the bill will force judges to make decisions about alimony on a case-by-case basis.

"I think that people shouldn't have to pay alimony forever and not be able to retire and not be able to change their situation. On the other hand, there are people who really need spousal support," she said.

Creem is the Senate Chair of the Judiciary Committee, which will hold a hearing on the bill Wednesday.

Family attorneys in Pasadena have seen divorce slow its increase for decades. Now a new study from the United States Census Bureau says that divorce is, in fact, declining, with more couples likely to reach their 10-year wedding anniversary. Yet the fabled seven-year itch is still very much a reality, with nearly 1 in 2 first marriages estimated to end in divorce.

About 75 percent of couples who have walked down the aisle since 1990 reported they remained married for at least a decade. That’s a 3-percentage-point increase compared to couples who got hitched in the 1980s. According to the census report released on Wednesday, the small declines may be attributed to couples living together before getting married and increases in job and educational opportunities. The bureau also notes that the average age of marrying couples has increased, meaning Americans are waiting longer before they get married. The Census Bureau also notes that much of the divorce decline can be attributed to the rising number of couples and individuals who chose not to marry at all.

In addition, more couples are staying together longer, according to the report. Fifty-five percent of married couples have been together for 15 years or longer. A third of those couples have reached their 25^th anniversary and 6 percent have been married for 50 years or more.

This being said, the Census Bureau did find that the average marriage still ends in the five-to-ten-year range. The median time to the official end of the marriage is eight years, according to the report. Three out of four couples are still in their first marriage, 8 percent consist of partners in their second marriage and 1 percent of married couples include a husband and wife who have been married more than three times.

Divorce attorneys in Pasadena will find the divorce laws of the European Union interesting. One of the benefits of the European Union is that it allows people greater freedom of movement. These days, approximately 350,000 cross-border marriages occur each year. Someone from Lithuania might marry a Spaniard, or a British subject could marry a French citizen. Of course, cross-border marriages sometimes require cross-border divorces.

Each year, approximately 40 percent of cross-border marriages fail, requiring divorces to be carried out under a cloud of uncertainty and complication. Previously, cross-border couples had to decide which country’s legal system to use in order to agree to how their assets would be split up, but a new arrangement now is in place. This arrangement allows each person to decide which nation’s laws should be applied. For example, an Italian-Spanish couple living in France can finalize their divorce following Italian, Spanish or French laws. If the couple can’t agree, the laws of the couple’s country of residence will be applied by default.

This new arrangement is intended to put an end to some of the uncertainty of cross-border divorces.

“I do not want people in the EU to be left to manage complicated international divorces alone,” says Vivien Redding, EU Justice Commissioner. “I want them to have clear rules so that they always know where they stand.”

Critics think that the new rules might lead to added bureaucratic complexity. The EU already is not known for its bureaucratic simplicity. Advocates, however, point to several benefits; for example, the practice of “divorce shopping,” where a person tries to gain advantage by looking for the jurisdiction that offers the most favorable terms, will no longer be an issue. Advocates of the new arrangement also hope that marriages may be saved.

“Because so much money is at stake, people rush to proceedings sooner than they would need to, rather than seeking to save their marriage through mediation,” London-based lawyer David Hodson says.

Whether the EU nationals are for or against the new arrangement, it is certain that EU divorce attorneys will continue to see to millions of divorces in years to come. Nothing can make the difficulty of divorce easier, but the new arrangement might ease some of the difficulty of a European union.

After days of speculation, the truth behind the high-profile breakup of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver has finally come out. Divorce attorneys in Pasadena and celebrity journalists alike were stunned to learn on Monday that Schwarzenegger fathered a child with a longtime household staffer.

The former governor of California and action star released an exclusive statement this week wherein he admits to fathering a child more than a decade ago.

"After leaving the governor's office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago," Schwarzenegger said Monday night in a statement issued to the Los Angeles Times. "I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry. I ask that the media respect my wife and children through this extremely difficult time," the statement concluded. "While I deserve your attention and criticism, my family does not."

Maria Shriver, according to reports, no longer lives in the family’s high-priced Brentwood home. She moved out after Arnold told her about fathering the child. Meanwhile, the mistress and mother of the child worked for the Schwarzeneggers for 20 years before retiring in January. At the time of retirement, the woman told the L.A. Times, "I wanted to achieve my 20 years, then I asked to retire.” She reportedly received a severance package from the family and “left on good terms with them." Schwarzenegger has taken financial responsibility for the child since birth and continues to do so.

Shriver also released a statement on Tuesday morning saying, "This is a painful and heartbreaking time. As a mother, my concern is for the children. I ask for compassion, respect and privacy as my children and I try to rebuild our lives and heal. I will have no further comment."

So the first step to gaining control of your finances -- and life -- during divorce is to prepare an accurate current budget and a post-divorce budget. You will need to gather documentation to ensure that your budget is objective and not the product of guess-work.

First, you need to identify your sources of income, which includes revenue from full- and part-time employment, investment return, and self-employment income. Add up all the income from different sources to come up with total income. If you're clueless about what your spouse earns, obtain or make copies of his/her tax returns for the last three to five years. Also, watch the mail for statements from banks or brokerage houses; if you have never opened any of these during your marriage, and you have good reason not to let your spouse know of your sudden interest in the family's finances, you can start by making a note of how many of these arrive in an ordinary month as well as the names and addresses on each envelope.

After you have an accurate picture of what's coming in, you need to create an equally accurate picture of what's going out. You should review your check register and credit-card statements -- or your online banking records if that's how you usually pay your bills. Remember that not all your expenses are paid monthly; some insurance premiums or tax bills might be payable quarterly or annually, so make sure to account for those as well.

Don't forget about cash withdrawals using ATM cards; you'll be surprised how quickly taking $50 here and $100 there can put you in the red if these withdrawals are not included in your budget. Also, you need to be able to account for where/how you spent the cash: was it taking taxis to work, going out to restaurants, on a new outfit, or paying the babysitter?

After you've completed a "first draft" of your budget, ask a reasonable and financially-savvy friend or family member to review it and question the expenses that seem unreasonable. (You may think a $500 shirt and weekly spa appointments are both reasonable and necessary, but someone who sees you living beyond your means may not agree!) If you're going to ask for help with your budget, you'll have to agree to keep an open mind and not to become angry or defensive if he/she questions one of your items. This person is trying to help you, and he/she will probably be a lot easier on you that a judge would be!

Start with the pre-divorce scenario using the budget table (Click here for a full set of Detailed Monthly Expenses Worksheets as a guide. Make two copies of the chart, replacing or deleting items to suit your needs, then fill in pre-divorce expenses on one and post-divorce expenses on the other. After you've created your pre-divorce budget, go to the post-divorce page and carry over each expense with an increase or decrease in its value based on your new circumstances. For example, an increase might be lawn care or snow removal if your ex used to handle that. Food expenses, on the other hand, should decrease now that you have one less mouth to feed.

If you're like most people, your number-one financial concern during divorce is maintaining positive cash flow -- in other words, being able to pay the bills on a monthly basis -- not only on the day after divorce, but five, ten, 15 years into the future. In order to meet cash-flow needs, there are three sources of money that may be available to you as a result of your divorce: child support, spousal support, and marital property. Let's take a quick look at all three.

Child Support

In the US and Canada, a parent is obligated to support his or her children, regardless of the parent's marital status. All states and provinces have child support guidelines; you should review the guidelines in your area to get a rough idea of what you might be entitled to receive or have to pay. Generally speaking, child support is based on factors such as the ages of and number of minor children, the amount of time they will reside with each parent, and the income of each parent. These factors are plugged into a formula, which then supplies a recommendation for the Court. In a divorce situation, the non-custodial parent is usually ordered to pay child support to the custodial parent, from which the custodial parent pays the child's expenses.

However, the child support formula does not take into consideration your child's actual expenses. For example, extra-curricular activities, private school tuition, and college funding are not factored into the formula. These are considered "extraordinary expenses," and they are often an area of great discussion and/or argument. It may be unrealistic to keep your child in Rep Hockey, horseback riding, and Kumon math; you and your soon-to-be-ex spouse will now have to start making decisions based on what is financially feasible.

Here's an example. My neighbor Cathy, who is in the process of getting a divorce right now, has an 11-year-old daughter who is a promising figure skater. Brittney's skating expenses are $500 per month in training, competition fees, and costumes. Cathy tells me that the costs will increase as her daughter gets older. Unfortunately, these expenses will not be taken into consideration when the court calculates child support for her, and Cathy cannot afford to cover them on her current salary.

One of the ways in which a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™ (CDFA™) can help their clients is to determine which costs may not be addressed by the guidelines and then to help them find alternative solutions to cover these expenses.

Since child support is such a complex area of the law -- and because it can be a very contentious issue between divorcing parents -- you should ask your lawyer for guidance regarding the child support amount.

Spousal Support

Another source of income (or an expense) for many divorced people will be spousal support. Spousal support is based on different factors, and it's a very gray and subjective area. However, the two most heavily weighted factors are need and ability to pay; the length of the marriage is another factor that is considered when awarding spousal support.

Unless you have prepared an accurate budget, you will not know how much spousal support you need -- or, if you're on the other end of the equation, how much you can afford to pay.

Aside from determining need and ability to pay, you need to understand some other important issues with regard to spousal support. With respect to the amount and duration, this can either be a negotiated amount between spouses or it can be court ordered. (In the US, spousal support can be set up as modifiable or non-modifiable; if it's non-modifiable, this means that neither party can ask for it to be changed for any reason at any time in the future.) In most cases, each party may revisit the amount and duration each year after filing a tax return. As well, there may be the ability to revisit the amount of support if there is a substantial change in circumstances for one or both of the parties. Here's an example: John is paying Mary, who currently has a minimum-wage job, $20,000 per year in modifiable spousal support. In the second year after the divorce, Mary finds a job that pays $55,000 per year. Due to this change in circumstances, John may be able to have the spousal support reduced.

No two divorcing couples have identical circumstances. The standard is to give support to the spouse who needs it in order to keep the family on a equal setting -- however, there is an underlying duty for each spouse to work towards being independent of each other.

Property

The third potential source of money in a divorce is property. Many states and provinces call for an equitable division of property. "Equitable" does not always mean "equal" -- it is, however, supposed to mean "fair." If the spouses can't agree, the judge is the final arbiter of what constitutes fair. Although most divorces settle 50/50, it can make a huge difference which 50% you get; in other words, all assets are not created equal.

The first thing to know is that there are two kinds of property: Marital and Separate. Anything that is marital will go into the marital pie that's going to be equitably divided; anything that's separate property will not. The distinction between the two is a gray area and should be discussed with your lawyer, but here's a short explanation of how the courts typically define property.

Separate Property

Separate property is anything that was gifted during the marriage, inherited during the marriage, or brought into the marriage and kept in either spouse's separate name. Let's take a look at some examples. My friend Karen got married 10 years ago. She was in love, so she told her husband, "What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine". So she changed the title on her cottage from her name alone to both of their names. This is called making a presumptive gift to the marriage and now the cottage will likely be part the marital pie and up for division now that she's getting divorced.

How about the inheritance that Karen received five years ago from her Aunt Millie? She left it in a trust account in her name, which means that it's her separate property. What if Karen had taken her $15,000 inheritance and used it to renovate the kitchen in the marital home? She could ask her lawyer to try to subtract $15,000 from the marital portion, but the courts are likely to rule that the inheritance became marital property when she invested it in the home.

Here's another tricky part: any increase in value on the inheritance (or any other separate property) is considered marital, so if that $15,000 grew to $20,000 at the time of Karen's divorce, the $5,000 in growth could be considered marital property.

Marital Property

Everything that's not considered separate property is considered marital. As long as it accumulated during the marriage, it's going into the pie to be divided -- no matter whose name it's in. So, starting at your date of marriage, the contribution to your retirement plan that comes out of your paycheck and goes directly into the XYZ fund account in your name is marital property; ditto for your spouse's pension.

In many divorces, the biggest question is who gets the marital home. Should the wife get it, should the husband, or should they sell it and split the proceeds? What if the house is "underwater" -- meaning that the householders owe more on their mortgages than their houses are worth? The answer is not always easy or clear. In a normal economy, couples typically build equity in their homes; if they decide to divorce, they would usually divide the equity they had built by selling the house or by one partner buying out the other's share. But after the recent boom-and-bust cycle, many couples own houses that neither spouse can afford to maintain on his/her own, and that they cannot sell for what they owe.

According to a recent survey of CDFAs in the US and Canada, 73% of respondents stated that the current housing market has forced them to come up with creative solutions to property-division problems when the matrimonial home fails to sell -- or would sell for less than what clients still owe on the mortgage. The most common solution is for ex-spouses to retain joint ownership and continue to live in the house (often, he moves into the basement and she lives upstairs) until the market improves, agreeing to postpone final division of assets until after the house is sold.

The Last Word

You need to create an accurate budget today, and you need to understand how child support, spousal support, and property division will impact your ability to cover your cash-flow needs. This is where a CDFA™ comes in: we analyze and illustrate the short- and long-term implications of different settlement proposals by factoring in expenses, investment earnings, taxes, and inflation. Our clients are then able to make educated decisions about their financial futures. Remember, you only get one chance to negotiate your property settlement. Can you really afford to make a mistake?

Anger can be a very scary experience, regardless of whether it’s your own anger or anger that is directed at you. For this reason, many people try hard to avoid it. Yet feeling angry is not wrong. It’s what you do with your anger that determines whether it is constructive or destructive.

Using anger to stand up for yourself and to take care of yourself and your children can actually serve you well. That is constructive. Screaming and raging can damage relationships and self-esteem and is, therefore, destructive.

Another expression of anger not discussed as often as screaming and raging is the kind of anger in which someone seethes for years. This is the person who cannot get over the wrongs that have been done to her or him, and self-identifies as a victim. Although it may feel powerful to wield your anger over someone, it is actually quite disempowering, because you are spending your valuable time and energy thinking about the person with whom you are angry. The act of focusing on that other person is sometimes called “giving your power away.”

Because divorce is such an intense experience, fraught with feelings of rejection, failure, and mistrust, it is a situation in which people have the potential to stay angry for years. They may resent the fact that they have had to return to work, or that they now have the burden of child care responsibilities, or that they have no hope of having children anymore and feel that they “wasted” valuable years with their ex-spouse. Perhaps they trusted someone who was untrustworthy and now their anger is directed at themselves as well as at their spouse.

There are endless scenarios and reasons why people can become—and stay—angry, but if you do stay angry, you should know that the toxic emotion is in you and the other person may have no clue that you are feeling the way you do. It is always in your best interest to move beyond feeling high levels of anger.

AFFIRMATION

I am moving through my anger today.

Taking the things that you cannot control into account, you can do some things to make your time with your lawyer more cost effective and control your legal costs to some extent.

• Gather, photocopy, and organize all of your personal and family financial documents and records. This includes your personal income tax returns and any and every document you can find that relates to your family finances, such as cancelled cheques, records of investments, loan agreements, bank account statements, insurance policies, real estate documents, RRSPs, and the like. If you have a marriage agreement, a domestic contract, or any other agreement, your lawyer will also require these documents.
• Calculate all of your current overheads. If you haven’t been keeping records of your expenses before, start writing down everything that you spend money on-groceries, gas, utilities, child care, your children’s haircuts, your children’s extra-curricular activities, your children’s medications. Keep a record of everything that you spend to support yourself and your children on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis.
• If you have friends who have been through this process and can give you practical advice, listen and consider their input. Although each situation is unique, learning from the experiences of others To Have And To HoldChapter 8 For Better or For Worsecan help you focus on the specific matters that you will need to discuss with your lawyer.
• Plan your telephone and face to face meetings with your lawyer. Write down your questions before you talk or meet. When your lawyer gives you advice, take notes so that you have the information you need to make the best decisions for you and your children.
• If your lawyer calls you but your children are in the room, or for some other reason you do not feel you can concentrate on the matters at hand, ask for a time that would be convenient for you to return the call. Call back when you are feeling calm and prepared and assured of privacy.
• Do not use your lawyer’s billable time to talk about your emotional situation.
• Do not have your lawyer do all the legwork if there are matters you can handle.

Make the calls, pick up the documents, and do whatever you can to gather any information or documents that your lawyer requires. But of course you also need to consider the trade-off of the cost of your time versus the cost of your lawyer or his or her assistants doing this work.

• Ask your lawyer directly if there is anything that you can personally do to keep the costs down.

In matters of property division, you may have to provide records to determine any worth that is separate from the family property or you may have had prior to the marriage. If you had a marriage contract, these matters may be dealt with there. If not, you will need to provide the appropriate documentation. If you owned property or had investments such as an RRSP prior to your marriage, do you have valuations as at the date of the marriage? If you do not have the records to substantiate property or investments you believe should not be considered in the division of the matrimonial property, can your financial advisor, present or former employer or banker provide information that would substantiate your claim? There are professionals who do forensic valuations of property but these services will add costs to the bottom line of your separation or divorce.

Divorce therapy for divorcing couples with children is quite simple, if parents take the well-being of their children seriously, show their commitment through actions vs. mere words, and can let go of needing to be right in order to do what's right for the child.

It rests on the usual consensus between parents that an 18-year-old entering the world/college/work force with the characteristics of Child A has a much better chance for a good life than Child B as described below.

It also rests on a shared belief that a child's personality is built largely upon nature (genetics and temperament) and nurture (parenting in early years, social factors in later years) and that nurture through parenting is much more modifiable than is nature.

Other factors that are pointed out but are not generally known by parents (although usually agreed with when explained) are that a child's well being and sense of security are greatly affected by the cooperative, mutually respectful, and enjoyed relationship between the parents. It is not solely determined by the parents' relationship with the children.

A majority of teenagers, when asked if they had the choice between their parents being nicer to them or more loving towards each other, will pick the latter. The animosity between parents is very painful to their children.

There is ample research from child development studies to support this, not to mention asking each parent the effect that their parents' relationship had on each of them.

Developmental psychologists have gone so far as to say that the cooperative and collaborative relationship between parents has a long-lasting effect on the child's own minds and personality, especially with regard to how his or her emotions and logic work together or fight each other. Some psychologists say that arguing between parents is not as detrimental as arguments that never are clearly and fully resolved. That state of "nothing gets better" or "same old thing again" can cause many children to develop a predisposition to anxiety (that the non-resolution will escalate to something worse) or depression (that mom and dad don't seem to like each other).

Divorce Therapy Made Simple has three steps. Family law attorneys or the court usually direct the couple to attend therapy together.

Step 1: Both parents agree and accept that at age 18, a child with the characteristics of Child A is in a much better position to have a good life than Child B.

Step 2: Both parents agree that how the child is nurtured/parented/raised and how the parents interact with each other have a significant influence on raising a child to become either Child A or Child B and that they have a moral responsibility to do right by their child.

Step 3: Each parent needs to make a compelling and convincing case for what they're asking for (regarding living arrangements, custody, and co-parenting) and how it will result in a Child A rather than a Child B. If they can't make such a case for a request with regard to the children, it will be dismissed by the therapist as irrelevant.

Out of these meetings, actionable and observable behaviors are agreed upon that will positively affect their children. The results of such meetings, either positive or negative regarding the co-parenting skills of the parents, may be given back to the attorneys or court in the form of a written report and/or verbal testimony or deposition.

There’s a murder case holding the public captive in the United Kingdom unlike anything family attorneys in Pasadena have ever seen. Prosecutors contend that British Airways pilot Robert Brown murdered his wife, Joanna Brown, after resenting a constricting prenuptial agreement that kept him from seeing a dime of his wife’s massive fortune.

Prosecutor Graham Reeds told a courtroom in England last week that Mr. Brown had felt he was “stitched up” by a marriage contract he signed when he married Joanna in 1999. Reeds also told the officials at Reading Crown Court the agreement had caused Robert Brown “continuing resentment.” In 2007, the Browns' relationship had started to crumble. The former couple was thrust into a divorce Reeds described as “acrimonious and bitterly contested.”

"First there were disputes over children and then over money," he also told the court. Reeds went on to describe the deteriorating nature of Mr. Brown’s well-being and his growing desire to get even with his ex-wife whom he believed to have cheated him out of money. “He thought she had deliberately concealed the extent of her wealth and had conducted the divorce proceedings through her lawyers with lies, exaggeration and aggression.”

According to Reeds, Robert Brown thought he was being unfairly treated because of the prenuptial agreement.

"It was an agreement that the defendant referred to later as a 'stitch-up' and he particularly resented the thought that Jo and her lawyers intended to rely on that agreement to foist on him what he thought was a particularly unfair settlement in the divorce proceedings," said Mr. Reeds.

The court was also made aware of several threats Robert Brown had made to his wife. In a harrowing email, Brown warns Joanna, “What goes around comes around.”

Brown maintains his innocence but the prosecutors believe they have a solid case.

"It is, in a nutshell, the Crown's case that he murdered his ex-wife on October 31 (last year) and that he took her body, having murdered her, to Windsor Great Park and buried her in a grave with the intention that her body would not be found."

Here’s something divorce attorneys in Pasadena don’t see very often. After 26 years of being divorced, singer Marie Osmond has remarried her first husband, Steve Craig. The pair married last week in Las Vegas, surprising her fans and the media alike. And get this: Osmond says she and Craig have been secretly dating again for more than two years.

“I didn't want anybody to get hurt, you know, if it didn't work out. And gosh, it just worked out," the singer told Good Morning America.

She added that even her children didn’t know about the relationship. Osmond and Craig were first married in 1982 and have one 28-year-old son, Stephen, together. The couple divorced in 1985 but remained friendly over the years and we’re reunited when Craig helped Osmond and her family move into their Las Vegas home in 2008.

Osmond says Stephen helped the couple reunite.

“It was our son who got us to kind of be back together, but (my husband) has been there for me and he's just my best friend, you know, and loves my kids,” she said.

Steve supported Marie after her son, Michael, from her marriage to Brian Blosil, committed suicide last year.

In the spirit of nostalgia, Marie even squeezed into her original wedding dress she wore 29 years earlier.

“I can’t breathe, but I’m in it!” she said on her wedding day.

Her brother, Donnie Osmond, says he’s thrilled his sister and frequent singing partner has remarried.

"She deserves it. I tell you after all she's been through it's about time that Marie gets a little happiness in her life," he said.

Donnie and Marie have recently reunited professionally, as well. The pair just released a new record, their first in 30 years.

Here’s a Hollywood breakup divorce attorneys in Pasadena didn’t see coming. After 25 years of marriage, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver have officially separated. The former governor/ Terminator star and his retired journalist wife announced the split via a joint statement on Monday.

“This has been a time of great personal and professional transition for each of us," they said. "After a great deal of thought, reflection, discussion, and prayer, we came to this decision together. At this time, we are living apart, while we work on the future of our relationship. We are continuing to parent our four children together. They are the light and the center of both of our lives. We consider this a private matter and neither we nor any of our friends or family will have any further comment. We ask for compassion and respect from the media and the public.”

Considered an odd pairing since they married in 1986, the couple — until recently, anyway — has survived through career transitions, scandals and political differences. Shiver, daughter of the late Eunice Kennedy Shriver, was introduced to Schwarzenegger by Tom Brokaw. The dichotomy of Shriver being Democratic royalty married to a Republican movie star provided tabloid fodder for decades. Shriver stood her ground in 2008 and campaign for Barack Obama, a move Schwarzenegger said he supported. In fact, the couple seemed to agree to disagree on a myriad of issues yet remained supportive of one another.

But they fell under the microscope when he ran for governor of California. Rumors surfaced that Schwarzenegger had sexually groped female coworkers on the sets of his films. The couple shrugged off the allegations, calling them “mean-spirited” attempts to sabotage his campaign.

Arnold and Maria celebrated their 25^th wedding anniversary on April 26 ^th and have four children, ages 14, 18, 20, and 21. Shriver continues to work on women's issues while the 63-year-old Schwarzenegger is said to be returning to acting later this year.

Leaving an old house filled with bad memories is something divorce attorneys in Pasadena see pretty often. So it isn’t too surprising that Tiger Woods has decided to leave the Orlando, Florida, home that was the scene of the crime for the fender-bender which opened a Pandora’s Box of divorce drama. What is surprising is that Tiger is reportedly moving into two new mansions to help him put the past behind him.

Three hours south of his old house is Tiger’s brand new, custom-built oceanfront house just outside Palm Beach. His other brand new house is just a few miles inland and is where his mother Tida Woods will call home. The house which Tida just moved into is a $10 million, 22,000-square-foot family getaway for Tiger's two children, Sam, age 3, and Charlie, age 2. The family-friendly estate has custom painted kids bedrooms adorned with Disney characters. The yard has a giant jungle gym and interactive fountains for the kids to play in as well as an Astroturf putting course. Tiger and the kids will hang out in the house on the days he gets the kids.

Tiger’s beach house will be his primary residence and assumingly home to more adult activity. Sources close to Woods say the golfer is keeping his personal life extremely private.

“Both Tiger and (ex-wife) Elin Nordegren agreed in their divorce (last year) that whatever boyfriend or girlfriend spends the night with them in the same location as the kids will be background-checked by the other party’s lawyers,” the source told Radar Online. “So, Tiger will be at his mom’s house when the children are around, and there’ll be no girl there because he doesn’t want Elin’s people to start snooping on him. He’s keeping the other house as his party palace!”

As difficult as seeking divorce in Pasadena is, at least divorce is legal here in the United States. In the small country of Malta, divorce is not an option. But as the country’s European influence grows stronger and the its population grows, divorce has become a hot button issue for the Maltese.

Malta for decades has been one of the few places on earth where divorce wasn’t legal. The Catholic influence on the country kept divorce out. As Chapter 1, Article 2 (2) of the Maltese constitution plainly states, “The authorities of the Roman Catholic apostolic church have the duty and the right to teach which principles are right and which are wrong." While the country allows religious freedoms, Catholicism is the official state religion of Malta. Annulments and separation can be granted by the Civil Code and Marriage Act.

Yet as neighboring Mediterranean countries like Tunisia and Egypt struggle publicly with civil liberties and democracy issues, Maltese residents are split down the middle on whether the country should allow the practice of divorce. The heated debates and passionate public campaigns are reminiscent of this country’s current battle over gay marriages. Everybody in Malta has an opinion about the topic and this summer the Maltese will take their passions to the polls. For the first time, Maltese citizens will get to voice their opinions on divorce at their local polling place.

Facebook pages for both sides of the issue have been set up, while commercials much like our own political ads are currently airing on TV. Those in favor of divorce argue that Maltese can still believe in God and be good Catholics if they receive a divorce. They call it a “non-issue” and believe Malta’s sensitivity towards it is keeping the country in the dark ages. Traditional Maltese citizens against divorce believe that legalizing it would tear families apart and destroy the country’s longstanding convictions.

Whether you need divorce advice in Pasadena could be solved in a simple text message. According to the Associated Press, in Tajikistan a marriage can be ended with a text message containing three simple words: “Taloq, taloq, taloq” or "divorce, divorce, divorce" has become the national way for Tajik men to tell their wives it's over.

Some marriages end with slamming doors or yelling matches, but 33-year-old Marina Dodobayeva’s marriage ended with a text message. Dodobayevea found herself among the exploding number of Tajikistan women whose husbands have used cell phones to issue the “triple taloq.” An Islamic ritual, the triple taloq is used by men to end a marriage by reciting the word three times.

Stunned Marina called her husband for an explanation.

“He told me not to call him anymore because now he has a new family," she said.

Divorce is looked down upon in Muslim cultures but it is allowed if the man announces the decision to his wife and a cleric approves the decision. Technology has changed the way Muslim divorces take place and clerics around the globe are struggling with the impact of cell phone culture on modern Muslims. Further complicating divorces is the fact that many Tajik marriages are undocumented, meaning that it is nearly impossible to tell how many marriages have been ended via text message. Many Tajik men, like Marina’s husband, work overseas and many of them end their marriages with triple taloq text messages. She is currently living with her husband's family but she faces pressure to move out.

“Maybe they won't throw me out for the sake of their grandchildren," she said. "They are their family, after all.”

Triple taloq via text divorces have been controversial in other parts of the world, too. Islamic authorities in Singapore ruled against divorce by text message in 2001 while in Malaysia the practice has been endorsed by Islamic courts.

What a difference a year makes. As celebrity watchers and divorce attorneys in Pasadena know, last spring President of France Nicolas Sarkozy and wife Carla Bruni battled rumors that they were divorcing. There were rumors that Bruni was having an affair with French singer Benjamin Biolay whom she collaborated with on her 2008 album. Reports suggested that Bruni and Biolay went to Thailand together and that they shared a flat in Paris. Meanwhile Sarkozy was said to have been cozying up to his Secretary of State for Ecology, Chantal Jouanno. Whispers of the inevitable “le divorce” took Europe by storm. Yet headlines about the rocky relationship of the President and First Lady soon vanished. Now a year later, France is abuzz with rumors that Bruni is pregnant.

The thrice married Sarkozy has three sons from previous relationships while Bruni has a son with Raphael Enthoven, so if the rumors turn out to be true, this would be their first child together. Closer magazine reports that the 43-year-old Bruni is allegedly 3 months pregnant. The Elysee has not issued a formal statement regarding the baby rumors but nearly everyone else in France has had something to say about it. A source close to the first lady told the magazine "Her personal life doesn't concern anyone. She has never commented on this topic and she won't start today. It's the eighth time that people have said she was pregnant in the last few months. We're not going to respond after every time." Atlantico.fr however is reporting that Bruni was recently seen at an ultrasound and medical imaging center on Tuesday.

Bruni, a former supermodel, is no stranger to rumors. Ex-wife of Mick Jagger, Jerry Hall claims that Bruni’s affair with Jagger was a reason for their separation. Eric Clapton, Leos Carax, and Vincent Perez are all rumored to be former conquests of Bruni who was once quoted as saying she gets “bored with monogamy”.

According to a new fad, women seeking divorce advice in Pasadena might also be seeking the number of a good plastic surgeon. Earlier this month, The New York Post ran an article about “revenge surgery,” or cosmetic procedures that happen after a breakup. The paper profiled several New York women who went under the knife after a bad breakup. From breast augmentation and facelifts to liposuction and beyond, jilted ex-wives are reportedly getting makeovers to stick it to their former spouses. Yet some medical professionals question if a breakup is a good reason to have plastic surgery.

Plastic surgeons around the globe have noted the spike in business as divorce rates have increased. A study conducted by the Transform Cosmetic Group in Britain showed that 26 percent of plastic surgery patients are recently-divorced women. New York cosmetic dermatologist Marina Peredo believes that “revenge surgery" can actually help restore self-esteem to women who haven’t dated in a long time.

“It’s not about vanity; it’s about sanity,” Dr. Peredo told The New York Post. “I’ve gone through divorce myself, and you feel unattractive and unlovable. A lot of these women say, ‘You gave me 10 years back,’ and if they look in the mirror and like what they see, it really helps get them out of a slump.”

Others like plastic surgeon Elie Levine believe caution and research should be used before any surgery takes place. The popularity of plastic surgery, Levine toldAllure, “makes it seem like cosmetic procedures are a very easy thing to make quick decisions about; that it's no different from deciding what you have for lunch today—that you could just do it on a whim. That you could do this for ‘revenge.’ These are still surgical procedures that you really need to think through before you're undergoing them.”

Levine also says that doctors shouldn’t encourage procedures for divorcees who might not be ready for them.

"I wouldn't encourage someone who just found out that their spouse is cheating on them and that they're getting divorced to rush over to the local plastic surgeon or dermatologist's office to undergo something. Similarly, I'd hope that the practitioner who they go to see wouldn't be in a rush just to do things, that they're really doing [a procedure] at the right time for the patient.”

Singer and reality television star Toni Braxton says she has no plans to legally end her marriage to her estranged husband Keri Lewis because she doesn't want to break the devastating news to her children. Braxton and Lewis, like many couples seen by family attorneys in Pasadena, have decided to co-parent and work as a team even though they have been officially separated since 2009.

Braxton is one of those singers whose turbulent personal life has overshadowed her career. She long has had financial woes — even bankruptcy issues. Likewise, the singer has battled health rumors and problems, ranging from her own fight with Lupus to having a son with autism. All have been much chronicled by the press.

Yet what exactly happened between her and Lewis, a member of the R&B act Mint Condition, has largely remained a mystery. On a promotional blitz for her new reality show, Braxton Family Values, the singer opened up to Sister 2 Sister magazine. When the couple parted ways in 2009, celebrity bloggers speculated that Braxton had left Lewis for singer Trey Songz, who served as a producer on her album Pulse. The rumors were fueled by a very public kiss by the pair at the Soul Train Awards. Braxton remains mum about Songz but did tell the publication why she and Lewis haven’t officially divorced.

"We co-parent together," Braxton said. "Sometimes he stays over with the kids; he's very involved with his kids... April would have been 10 years (since we wed). We're, like, the best of friends. We told the kids, 'Sometimes mummy and daddy need a little break.' That's probably why I haven't done a straight divorce yet."

Both Lewis and Braxton try to keep their romantic lives out of the spotlight to protect their children. Braxton says Braxton Family Values gives viewers an unflinching and honest look at her relationship with Lewis. In the past, Braxton has been romantically linked to actor Shemar Moore, singer Frankie Beverly and football player Curtis Moore.