Recent Blog Posts in February 2012

Women currently knee-deep in the Pasadena divorce process have undoubtedly been warned of crucial mistakes to avoid while divorcing. Every law firm, neighbor and magazine has some sage words on what women should and shouldn't do while leaving a spouse. Last week, Forbes threw its hat in the advice ring and released its own list of five mistakes divorcing women should avoid.

Jeff Landers of Forbes.com has written about divorce specifically for women over last the year and he has now come up with five costly mistakes that could seriously hurt a woman's divorce. At number 5 on the list is shopping. Landers says although shopping is viewed as therapeutic, big spending can really mess up the cash flow during a divorce.

"Sure, once your divorce is final, and you have established a financial plan so you know how much money you can safely spend, you can shop to your heart's content (provided you stay within your budget)," Landers writes. "But, until then, proceed with caution."

Number 4 on his list? Snooping. Landers warns divorcing women looking for trouble in their ex's past will find it - and most likely wind up in trouble themselves. Before wiretapping or using GPS to track an ex, he says to "err on the side of caution" and consult an attorney.

And divorce attorneys in Pasadena have seen women make Landers' mistake No. 3 - dating - too many times to count. Dating and serious relationships during a divorce can potentially jeopardize a case, including custody arrangements and financial settlements. We agree with Landers on this one. Wait until the ink is dry on the divorce papers before you start dating.

Topping Landers' list are social media and texting at spot Nos. 1 and 2, respectively. He cautions women, as we often do, that Facebook and texting are hotbeds for divorce case evidence and any false move is bound to come back to wreak havoc.

Stress, as anybody divorcing in Pasadena knows, comes with the territory of ending a marriage. Even under the best circumstances, divorce can be an emotional, stressful and tiring time. In the worst case scenarios, many health professionals say divorce can lead to serious medical and emotional problems. Since actress Demi Moore's recent hospitalization following her breakup to  Two and a Half Men star Ashton Kutcher, divorce stress syndrome has become a buzzed-about topic. But how real is divorce stress syndrome and how do you avoid it?

Panic attacks, crippling back pain and insomnia are reportedly some of the dangerous and painful symptoms of divorce stress syndrome. But is it all in our minds? Researchers at Michigan State University say health problems caused by divorce are very real. A new study shows that over a 15-year period, those who divorced experienced a more rapid decline in their health than those who remained married. Other studies link the stress of divorce to cardiovascular issues, mental health problems and even breast cancer. American doctors have even cited divorce as one of the causes of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, a condition commonly associated with victims of accidents and soldiers in war zones.

Experts say that quickly facing the emotional pain and issues brought on by a divorce helps reduce the chances of physical side effects.

"Divorce can affect us emotionally, mentally and physically, beyond our expectations," says Dr. David Pastrana, a legal professor and author. "As you mourn the death of a loved one, so you encounter divorce grief. Recognizing these feelings and acknowledging that you must go through a transitional healing process is a good place to start. Once you've understood them, you're on your way to overcoming them."

Pastrana recommends working with a family therapist, grief counselor or support group immediately following a divorce. In the end, physicians believe that while divorce stress syndrome is very real, it's very treatable with therapy and implementing positive activities.

If you're divorcing in Pasadena, you might be tempted to send out a scathing text message to your ex. Sure, text messages are a quick and easy way to speak your mind, but experts are warning that what you text during your divorce can and will be used against you later.

According to a new study from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML), more than 90 percent of America's top divorce attorneys say they have seen a significant increase in the number of cases using evidence like text messages from smartphones.

"With emails, you can think about and rewrite them. There is a window of opportunity to rethink what you are saying but text messaging is immediate," said Ken Altshuler, the president of the AAML. "We get a lot of text messages that people send out without thinking."

Altshuler says the "spontaneous venting" that happens in texts can come back to haunt divorcing clients.

"I have used text messaging for cross-examination," said Altshuler, who has also submitted texts as evidence. "I would say in the last six months there have been a lot of text messages involved in litigation. For whatever reason, people are texting more and not thinking about what they are texting."

Texting was the most popular evidence taken from smartphones during divorce cases, followed by emails, phone numbers, call histories, GPS and search engine histories, according to the AAML poll.

Altshuler recommends divorcing people pause before they send text messages.

"Anything that is in writing, you have to assume that someday a judge is going to see it. So, if it is not something that you don't want a judge to see, don't write it down."

He also tells clients to stay off of Facebook while going through a divorce. Facebook ranked as the No. 1 source of evidence from social media based on a previous AAML poll.

Divorce attorneys in Pasadena will tell you that the face of marriage in United States has changed over the last decade. They've seen couples of all races getting married (and divorced) in the U.S., and now a new study shows that interracial marriages are at an all-time high.

According to a PEW Research Center study, the number of interracial marriages in the United States has skyrocketed to 4.8 million, a record 1 in 12 couples. Researchers note the steady flow of Hispanic and Asian immigrants has significantly increased the number of prospective spouses. In addition, blacks are more likely to marry whites than before.

"The rise in interracial marriage indicates that race relations have improved over the past quarter century," said Daniel Lichter, a sociology professor at Cornell University, in an interview with NPR. "Mixed-race children have blurred America's color line. They often interact with others on either side of the racial divide and frequently serve as brokers between friends and family members of different racial backgrounds. But America still has a long way to go."

These last remaining negative stigmas of interracial marriage might explain why divorce among American interracial couples is at an all-time high, as well. The Pew study tracked divorce trends in interracial couples, as well. By relying on studies using government data, Pew found that divorce rates for interracial couples were higher. According to one of the studies cited, mixed-race couples had a 41 percent chance of divorce or separation while couples who married within their own race had a 31 percent chance. Other sources found that specific race combinations had a higher divorce rate than others. For example, white women who marry outside their race are more likely to divorce. Also, marriages involving blacks and whites were considered the least stable race combination, followed by Hispanic-white couples.

Family attorneys in Pasadena thought the divorce of Lakers superstar  Kobe Bryant and estranged wife Vanessa was pretty much a done deal. After years of rumors of affairs, it appeared that Vanessa finally had enough. But new photos surfaced of the couple sharing a Valentine's kiss near the Lakers locker room, leaving fans wondering if Kobe and Vanessa called off what many counted on being the year's nastiest divorce.

Celebrity gossip blogs were positively buzzing last week when photos and video of Kobe and Vanessa Bryant kissing after a Lakers game showed up online. The pair was set to embark on an expensive and brutal divorce, but perhaps they changed their mind?

Not so much. According to the Los Angeles Times, the Bryant divorce is alive and well. The couple has already divided their vast assets in court. Records from an Orange County court show that Vanessa is set to receive $18.8 million in property from her NBA ex. Kobe is said to be worth $150 million and since the couple did not sign a prenuptial agreement, Vanessa could potentially walk away from the relationship with $75 million.

In the meantime, experts say it isn't uncommon for couples to have a "financial divorce" while trying to repair a relationship.

"A married couple can decide to split their specific assets and continue their marriage," Chris Melcher, a family law attorney, told the Times.

A financial divorce can sometimes improve a relationship, he says.

"There is more of a balance of power in the relationship," Melcher said.

Yet other sources are reporting Vanessa Bryant is done with Kobe and currently shopping for property in New York City.

Vanessa Bryant filed for divorce in December, citing "irreconcilable differences." The couple was married on April 18, 2001; they have two daughters.

Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass. 
~ Mary Kay Blakely

Getting a divorce is terrifying for the average person under average circumstances. Unlike other aspects of life, it does not necessarily get easier once youstart the process .  In fact, as you learn more about the legalities and finances, and as you get deeper into tasks such as dividing assets and debts, negotiating child custody, and addressing home, money, and job issues, it usually gets more difficult.

Just as you turn your life over to a surgeon when undergoing an operation, in a divorce you are asked to turn your well-being over to a number of different professionals, such as accountants, attorneys, and counselors. Having to trust these people with your financial and emotional welfare can certainly feel as though your life depends on their performance.

Although the process is not a linear one (meaning that it doesn't necessarily get better or easier with time), keep in mind that this ordeal will end, life will return to "normal" again, and you will regain your strength.

Just as we physically recover from surgery, our minds, hearts, and spirits recuperate from marital dissolution. It's a difficult process, even under the best of circumstances, but you will survive, and there is a new life awaiting you on the other side.

AFFIRMATION

I will survive this ordeal.

Parental Alienation - A Corrosive Legacy 
By Judge Michele Lowrance

I have been a judge on the divorce bench for 16 years, and have watched the wreckage of the corrosive legacy of parental alienation and visitation interference play out over decades. We have no statistics for measuring this group, because the victims are too vast. But the concentric circles include the children, their children and the extended family as well. The declaration of war by one parent on another creates radioactive fallout, which contaminates for generations.

The alienating parent treats the target parent like a disease in the child that must be removed. They make the child's survival contingent upon such removal. So the child must extricate the parent without the privilege of grieving the loss. These are crippling circumstances.

I have witnessed impassioned declarations of love for a child by an alienating parent to masquerade the venom he/she feels for the other parent. Parents who do this are not interested in mere control. Their stakes are higher: total annihilation of the target parent's bond with the child. Little by little, alienation in a divorce case starts to take root. And when it fully takes root, I see the child's boundaries collapse before my eyes. Soon the child forgets how to protect him or herself, and must align with the alienating parent as if life depends on it -- because it does.

Perhaps curing this degenerating influence may, in the future, be addressed by therapy. But for now, we can and must do better. I want to tell you how to be proactive in court, and how to fight against the inclination to give up like so many hurt, alienated parents -- who are, frankly, not always welcomed in the courts.

Why Cases Involving Parent Alienation are so Difficult

Here are some reasons these cases are so difficult, and why judges often have no love for them:

1. Combative parents present conflicting stories of "he said / she said," and make it very difficult to determine who is telling the truth. Often an alienating parent comes to believe what he or she is saying, and their presentation seems authentic.
2. When targeted parents present their side of the case, they are often angry and frustrated -- and as a result, they don't present very well in court. Judges often consider attitude as influential as content.
3. The children often support the alienating parent by telling the judge, their attorney and mental health professionals how they have been treated badly, and of their dislike, for the target parent. The reasoning skills of alienated children are often compromised, as is their ability to choose freely.
4. Alienated children often won't cooperate with therapeutic intervention, and courts have difficulty enforcing these orders.
5. Judges like to believe that what they do works and it is the right decision. When their decisions don't work, they often get exasperated with both parties.

What You can Do in Courts

Despite these difficulties there is plenty that you can do. Here are some suggestions for handling parental alienation in the courts:

1. Parenting plan orders should be entered as soon as possible.
2. Create an alienation map or chart for the judge, which shows him or her in five minutes what couldn't be said in five hours. This map should include all missed visits, and a list of all the denigrating phrases made by alienating spouse to the children, including the friends and/or extended family of the hated parent (if they are admissible in evidence). If you know how to make a graph, you can show the increase in missed visits in a very compelling and impactful way.
3. Most judges aren't warm to the phrase Parent Alienation Syndrome. Instead, ask the judge to please keep an eye open for visitation interference, as the case progresses, and describe for him or her the maligning behavior.
4. Get a court order for parenting therapy as soon as possible.
5. If orders are violated, go to court on a Rule To Show Cause for violation of the order as soon as possible. If you can't afford an attorney, then do this yourself. Write petition for rule, for visitation violation, for family therapy, or for makeup visitation.

You may be among the many alienated parents I have known, who have grown weary due to the repetitive stress fracture on your heart. Each time your visitation is interfered with, it has a cumulative affect. This can make you hyper sensitive, which easily magnifies your emotional response.

Because your emotions are flooding your ability to reason, writing and rewriting a petition with your attorney is a rational thing to do and gives your thoughts "breathing time." If you immediately act upon your anger, you are just going to make things worse -- and perhaps run the risk that the other parent will get an order of protection against you. Reflect upon the past consequences of your amped up anger. Did you write nasty emails, make hostile phone calls, yell at your child, become overly aggressive, or decide to retreat and do nothing?

The way to tell if your anger serves you is to always ask yourself the following four questions:

1. Does this anger further my constructive goals?
2. Does this anger further degenerate my relationship with my children?
3. In what ways does this anger help me?
4. In what ways does this anger help my spouse?

If your reactions are based upon what has been done to you, you can only respond with hatred. When you do this, you give the alienating parent the "upper hand," because he or she has provoked you to become the hateful person who they are portraying you to be to the children. Don't let someone else provoke, influence, and therefore control how you behave. You run the risk of actually becoming as miserable and dysfunctional of a person as they're trying to portray you to your children. When you react with hatred, you not only play into their hands, you're letting them steer your ship, letting them determine your present and future.

When Your Children Come Home, Who do You Want Them to Come Home to?

As you read this, you may be on the edge of giving up. You may be starting to feel that nothing can work against your former spouse's devotion to destroy your relationship with your children. Even though you may be physically invisible to your children, you will always be visible to them through stories, gossip and second hand reporting from all sources. When we lose a loved one, we often decide to live the way that the departed person would have wanted us to. In the same spirit, when you lose a child to alienation, you need to live as if he or she is watching you. Your long term goal is to become the person your child wants to come home to.

Michele F. Lowrance has been a domestic-relations judge in the Circuit Court of Illinois since 1995. A child of divorce who was raised by her grandparents, Judge Lowrance has been divorced and has devoted her professional life to helping those similarly situated.

Once a divorce lawyer in Pasadena helps settle your case, it's up to you to tell your family and friends the news. This isn't an easy conversation to have, but it's better that they hear the news from you directly instead of being surprised by secondhand gossip.

Getting a divorce qualifies as a significant life change, so it's a good idea to tell people in person whenever possible. If you can't tell them in person, pick up the phone. A text or an email can easily be misinterpreted, since there is no body language to help the recipient determine the context of your remarks.

When you tell people you are getting a divorce, keep the juicy personal details to a minimum. Although your emotions are running high at the moment, you want to avoid saying anything that you might be embarrassed by in the future. If you have children, you should refrain from negative comments about your spouse as a sign of respect for the children's relationship with him or her.

Older relatives or those with especially strong religious beliefs often view divorce as a sin. They may blame you for the breakup of your marriage, regardless of the actual circumstances. If you tell them before your divorce is finalized, they may try to convince you to change your mind. Dealing with this behavior can be frustrating. Be polite, but firm. Explain that while you respect their personal feelings about divorce, you are confident you've made the best decision for you.

When telling mutual friends about your divorce, they are likely to feel as if they need to choose sides in the matter. To keep conflict to a minimum, avoid venting excessively about your marital troubles and refrain from asking questions about when they've last spoken to your spouse.

An experienced California divorce attorney can help you with the legal aspects of ending your marriage, but finding the emotional support you need is a bit trickier. If your family and friends react poorly to your announcement, consider joining a divorce support group so you have a place to discuss your feelings with others who are going through similar experiences.

A new study from Michigan State University released last month warns that if you're young and divorcing in Pasadena, you might end up with more health issues than your older divorcing counterparts, as well as more issues than couples who stayed married.

According to the Huffington Post, self-reported health information from 1,282 participants from the last 15 years was analyzed by Michigan State Researcher Hui "Cathy" Liu. Liu specifically looked at the "difference in well-being between those who stayed married and those who divorced."

If you're considering aPasadena divorce, you may be wondering if there is a minimum length of time you must be married in order to receive alimony. While the length of your marriage doesn't determine if you can receive alimony, it is often a factor in how long the payments are made.

Alimony, sometimes called spousal support or maintenance, is a payment made by one spouse to the other in the event of a divorce. Alimony is for the financial support of the adult receiving the payments. Child support is for the needs of the children from the marriage and is determined separately.

In California, a marriage lasting 10 years or more is considered of long duration and thus eligible for extended alimony benefits. If a couple is married for less than 10 years, generally alimony eligibility is determined to be half the length of the marriage. For example, a couple married for six years would have three years of alimony eligibility. This is just a starting point for alimony awards, however. Many other factors are also considered.

Some of the factors that determine alimony awards are the health, age, and future earning prospects of the divorcing couple. For example, a 50 year old woman who has not held a job outside the home in 25 years would be much more likely to receive alimony than a 25 year old with an MBA. Contrary to popular belief, gender is not a factor in determining alimony awards. Alimony is concerned with earning potential alone.

There are four types of alimony awards:

• Temporary alimony is alimony awarded pending the divorce proceeding;
• Rehabilitative alimony is alimony given to allow the lesser earning spouse time to become self sufficient;
• Permanent alimony is paid until the death of one of the spouses or the remarriage of the recipient; and
• Reimbursement alimony is payment for expenses the spouse incurred during the marriage - such as paying for a graduate degree for the higher earning spouse.

A Pasadena matrimonial lawyer can provide advice regarding which type of alimony is most appropriate for your case.

Divorce attorneys in Pasadena have seen too many couples end their marriages because of other legal issues like bankruptcy, fraud and domestic abuse. Country music singer Rodney Atkins says it was his estranged wife's accusations of domestic violence that drove the couple to divorce. Recently, a Tennessee judge dismissed those charges.

If you're divorcing in Pasadena and think that an amicable divorce is impossible - especially in California - think again. Sure, many celebrities have knock-down, drag-out divorces, but there are few superstar couples who handle divorce with class. Like Katy Perry and Russell Brand.

Married in October 2010 at an Indian tiger sanctuary, actor/comedian Russell Brand and pop star Katy Perry were that kind of quirky Hollywood couple that broke the mold when it came to how a famous couple was supposed to act. So leave it to the pair, who called it quits in December, to divorce like nobody else in Tinsel Town. Brand finalized papers last Tuesday in Los Angeles Superior Court which officially ended his 14-month union to Perry. The documents, according to RadarOnline.com, state that Perry and Brand "have entered into a comprehensive written settlement of all issues, including, without limitation, with respect to the property to be confirmed or assigned to each party."

Most surprisingly, Brand did not go after a penny of Perry's reported $40 million fortune, despite the fact that the pair had no prenuptial agreement. A source close to the pair told TMZ, "This divorce is as amiable as it gets and Russell was a mensch." The couple's considerable assets include four shared properties in New York, Los Angeles and London worth an estimated $15 million. Perry and Brand waived their rights to a trial by checking boxes that they "agree this cause may be decided as an uncontested matter" in the legal documents, indicating that they have reached a settlement outside of court. Perry is only requesting to legally restore her maiden name to Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson.

Further proving that this was a friendly divorce, Perry signed her divorce papers with a smiley face after her name.

On Wednesday February 8, 2012, a evening event hosted by the Pasadena Bar Association, Family Law Section, proved to be extremely informative and beneficial for those in attendance.  At the meeting, the complexity of the " parental alienation" problem was addressed by three renowned child custody experts.  At the meeting, a three-panel presentation was given by Leslie M. Drozd, Ph.D., Kathryn Kuehnle, Ph.D., and Lisa Kiriakidis, certified family law specialist. 

The presentation began with Kathryn Kuehnle's overview of the research and misconceptions related to parental alienation.  Ms. Kuehnle introduced numerous concepts in her presentation, such as:

  1.         Gate keeping (restrictive and protective);

  2.         Estrangement and abuse;

  3.         The fact that parental alienation is not a "syndrome";

  4.         Her belief that pre‑existing relationships can matter with respect to the      success of reunification; and

  5.         Her belief that various parental behaviors and beliefs can cause parental alienation, such as the custodial parent's desire to replace the other parent with a stepparent, or where feelings of betrayal interfere with acting in the children's best interest to foster a positive relationship with the other parent.

Next, Leslie M. Drozd discussed the complexity of the problem and introduced the concept of "and", rather than "or".  Ms. Drozd explained that in many custodial evaluations, where there is alienation there is also abuse and/or estrangement.  Consequently, Ms. Drozd suggested that family law professionals should not view alienation in a vacuum but should look out for other problems in the family dynamic.    

Ms. Drozd and Ms. Kuehnle also emphasized that a lot of research still needs to be done in this area and that many of the existing studies are flawed.  Finally, Ms. Drozd and Ms. Kuehnle cautioned those in attendance not to jump to conclusions with respect to parental alienation and to think carefully before assuming this exists in a family dynamic.

The third panelist, Lisa Kiriakidis, gave a powerful personal account of her own child custody battle where parental alienation existed.  Mr. Kiriakidis gave a detailed account of how her family was impacted by the problem and at the conclusion of her summary those in attendance could have no doubt of the excruciating impact that parental alienation could have on a parent-child relationship.  Ms. Kiriakidis concluded by describing how she addressed the problem in her own custody battle and how she was able to save her son from an unhealthy situation by bringing her matter swiftly to the court's attention and obtaining an order to change custody, as well participating in reunification therapy.  Ms. Kiriakidis explained that reunification came swiftly in her case and that her son was appreciative of her efforts.  Ms. Drozd and Ms. Kuehnle added at the conclusion of Ms. Kiriakidis' account that they observed that the success of reunification is often related to the strength of the parents' relationship prior to the custody dispute.

At the end of the meeting, I was struck by the thought of how many children do not receive the benefit of having an parent like Ms. Kiriakidis or a competent family law attorney intervene on their behalf.  As a family law attorney, I am more resolved than ever to protect clients and their children where the other parent is engaging in parental alienation.  I also understand the importance of prompt judicial intervention and assertive lawyering when faced with parental alienation.  By the reaction of those in attendance, I know I was not the only one who appreciated this presentation.

Never have family lawyers in Pasadena seen such a short marriage lead to such a long and increasingly ugly divorce. But when it comes to celebrity all-time lows, we've learned to expect Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries to exceed our expectations.

That much-ballyhooed marriage that ended in a much-ridiculed divorce last October between sometime NBA star Kris Humphries and reality TV star Kim Kardashian is just starting to heat up, and sources say it's Humphries who wants to take down not only Kardashian but her mom/manager Kris Jenner and the entire reality TV genre. RadarOnline.com is reporting that Humphries' divorce attorney is looking to question Kim Kardashian, Kris Jenner and several E! network executives regarding a filmed conversation Kardashian and Jenner had on-camera about her divorce. Kim and Kourtney Take New York had viewers believing that the mom and daughter head-to-head took place in Dubai while on a business trip. But Humphries' attorney says it was all filmed on a Hollywood sound stage nearly two months after the actual trip. And December photos captured Jenner and Kardashian leaving the studio wearing the same clothes as featured in the Dubai episode.

Humphries cites "fraud" in his initial divorce response and he feels the phony filming backs his case.

"Kris feels that if this is true and the whole conversation was faked, this would help prove that he got married under fraudulent circumstances. Yes, this did occur after the marriage, but this is one clear example that could help sway the judge to grant the divorce on the grounds of fraud," an insider told RadarOnline.com.

Humphries also hopes that this line of questioning will help get their divorce proceedings televised, much to the dismay of his usually camera-hungry ex.

"A public trial is the last thing that Kim wants, and she has instructed her lawyer to formally petition the court so that the divorce can be heard by a mediator, which is routinely done in California, since it's a no-fault state," a source close to the situation told RadarOnline.com. "Kim doesn't want a long, drawn-out trial. She wants the mediation to be private, confidential, and legally binding. She and Kris have no assets together and kept separate bank accounts, so this is a fairly routine divorce proceeding. Kim just wants this over and done with."

When you're looking for divorce advice in Pasadena, don't forget to consider if a legal separation may be an acceptable alternative to ending your marriage. A legal separation does not give you the right to remarry, but it does give you and your spouse the opportunity to live apart from each other while still enjoying the benefits of being married.

People choose a legal separation over a divorce for many different reasons. Often, they are opposed to divorce on religious or moral grounds. They may want to stay married to take advantage of tax breaks since a legal separation will still allow a couple to file a joint return. Insurance coverage concerns are a reason for legal separation as well. Often, employers will only cover an employee's spouse-resulting in a lack of coverage after the divorce. Sometimes, couples simply choose to file for a legal separation in order to keep open the possibility of reconciling the relationship.

In the military, a marriage must last for at least 10 years in order for both spouses to benefit from insurance and death benefits. Therefore, couples sometimes choose to file a legal separation and then divorce after the 10 year mark.

The process for obtaining a legal separation is fairly straightforward. One person (the petitioner) completes a petition requesting that the court grant a legal separation. After the petition for legal separation is served to the other spouse (the respondent), he or she can file a response agreeing to the terms, counter-petition outlining specific areas of objection, or file a response indicating he or she wants a divorce instead of a legal separation. If the respondent chooses to ignore the petition, he or she is considered in default and the judge has the authority to grant the petition with no input from the respondent at all.

When filing for legal separation, couples must work out many of the same issues they'd need to address if they were filing for divorce. For example, they will need to determine a fair division of property and debts accumulated during the relationship. If they have children together, custody and visitation issues will need to be considered as well.

If, after a legal separation, a divorce is sought, often judges will simply transfer the terms of the separation agreement over to the divorce decree. Therefore, it is essential that you contact a Pasadena divorce lawyer to make sure your legal separation terms will provide adequate protection in the event of a divorce.

In California, the pendulum continues to swing with respect to our "move-away" law.  Based on three recent published opinions from San Diego County, the custodial parent's presumptive right to move has been significantly strengthened.  In order to understand how California move-away law has been changed by these decisions, it is first necessary to understand the two California Supreme Court decisions that set the ground rules for trial courts dealing with this issue.

            During the mid‑1990s the California Supreme Court published a decision entitled In Re Marriage of Burgess, which held that a custodial parent has the presumptive right to move away with the parties' children, so long as the move is not motivated by vindictive purposes, and that there is a rational basis for the move.  The Supreme Court specifically held that the trial court is not allowed to second guess the custodial parent's reasoning for the move.  Thus, even if the trial court believes that the custodial parent's reasoning is a little off and that he or she has the same or better opportunities in California, it cannot deny the move. 

Approximately seven years later, the California Supreme Court published a second "move away" decision entitled In Re Marriage of La Musga, which purported to clarify the prior decision.  In La Musga, the California Supreme Court held that if a non‑custodial parent makes a prima facia showing that the move away would be detrimental to the children and to the relationship between the left-behind parent and the children, the trial court must decide the issue after a full evidentiary hearing, and that the court must decide if the move is in the best interest of the children.  The California Supreme Court also stated that the trial court must take into consideration several common-sense factors such as the distance of the move, whether or not the custodial parent would share custody, whether or not the relationship between the children and the left-behind parent would be damaged by the move, etc.

            In my practice as a family law attorney, I have seen the pendulum swing in both directions on this issue.  After the Burgess decision, the trial courts were pretty much rubber stamping requests for move away and it seemed like any opposition to the move was futile.  After the La Musga case was published, however, trial courts and mental health professionals became very vocal in their opposition to move aways and it became significantly harder for a custodial parent to move away with children if the other parent objected.

            Now, in the wake of the three published cases out of San Diego, I believe that parents wishing to move away with children will have a much better chance of doing so.  Since all three decisions essentially ruled the same way, I will review only one of the cases for the purposes of this article, In Re Matter of Mark T. v. Jaime Z.

In Mark T. v. Jaime Z., the father filed to establish paternity in 2007.  On November 10, 2008 the Trial Court made orders for the father to have overnight visitation.  The mother was obviously given primary custody of the child.  The mother then filed an Order to Show Cause requesting the court's permission to move to the State of Minnesota with the minor child.  The mother's reasons for the move, as stated in her declaration, were that she had support from family members in Minnesota, she had no job in San Diego, and that she was forced to borrow money.  She also stated that she believed she would have better job opportunities in Minnesota.

            In February, 2009, the mother and father entered into a Stipulation and Order that they would participate in a child custody evaluation.  Subsequent to their agreement, a child custody evaluator interviewed the parents and eventually made recommendations.  However, while the custody evaluation was underway, the parties entered into a second Stipulation and Order that acknowledged the mother was the primary custodial parent.

            In June 2009, the child custody evaluator released her report.  The child custody evaluator stated that the mother's need for her family support in Minnesota was no substitution for the child's need to be with the father.  The Trial Court followed the recommendations of the evaluator and precluded the mother from moving to Minnesota because the Trial Court believed that the move would have a detrimental effect on the child.

            The mother appealed the decision.  The Court of Appeal reversed and remanded the case back to the Trial Court with specific findings that:

            1.         When faced with a move-away request, the Trial Court must decide custody based on the assumption that the move will take place and determine what custody arrangement is in the child's best interest if the move occurs;

            2.         The Trial Court applied the incorrect legal standard in ruling on the mother's move-away request because it based its order on an assumption that the mother would not move if the Trial Court denied the request;

            3.         The Trial Court's order was impermissibly coercive;

            4.         The child custody evaluator's report failed to address what the proper parenting plan would be if the mother moved to Minnesota and the Trial Court erred by adopting the child custody evaluator's recommendations;

            5.         The father's attorney should not have been allowed to question the mother regarding whether or not she would move without the children; and

            6.         Improper motive for move is only one factor for the Trial Court to consider and it is not an automatic ground for a custody change.

            Consequently, the Court of Appeal held that the Trial Court abused its discretion by failing to apply the proper legal standard for making the move-away orders.

            The lessons that we learn from the three cases from San Diego are very important.  First, we now know that trial courts may not coerce parents into remaining behind by giving them a choice of either staying and having primary custody of the kids or moving away without the children.  Second, we also learn that it is not permissible for a child custody evaluator or an opposing counsel to ask a custodial parent if he or she will in fact move if the children were ordered to remain with the other parent.

            Practically speaking, now a trial court has the tough decision of deciding where the children should live, assuming that the custodial parent has already moved.  In Mark T. v. Jaime Z., the Trial Court should have decided whether the children were better off with the mother in Minnesota or with the father in San Diego.  Obviously, if the parties have already stipulated that the children are better off with the mother on a primary basis, it will be difficult to assume that they would be better with father in the case of a move away.  I believe that these decisions will cause more people to litigate over who should have primary custody because if the primary custodian decides he or she wants to move, it will be pretty difficult to object in most cases. 

After seeking assistance from a Pasadena divorce attorney, non-custodial parents often find themselves wondering how to handle visitation with their children. The idea of scheduling time to spend with your child takes some getting used to, but visitation can be a positive experience for everyone involved if it's handled appropriately.

In many cases, the natural impulse of the newly divorced non-custodial parent is to try to pack visitation times full of activities. Movie nights, bowling trips, shopping sprees, or amusement park visits are fine for special occasions, but they shouldn't be a regular occurrence. When you lived with your child on a full-time basis, it wasn't your job to entertain him every minute of the day. Treat visitation the same way. Special activities are fun, but the goal of visitation is to allow you maintain a normal relationship with your child. This includes things like assigning chores, helping with homework, and visiting extended family members as well as simply spending a quiet night together at home.

Non-custodial parents who are having financial difficulties often downsize to smaller living quarters. However, you should try to have a separate bedroom for your child if at all feasible. It's important for your child to feel like he is more than just a visitor in your home. It's not necessary to spend thousands of dollars on new furniture, but it is a good idea to encourage him to bring favorite toys, posters, or other items to help decorate his room so it feels like a warm and inviting place. If it's not possible for your child to have a separate bedroom, at least make sure he has adequate space for his personal belongings during visitation times.

Realize that visitation is often traumatic for children of divorce. It's perfectly natural for a child to miss his other parent during visitation times. Allowing phone calls, emails, or web cam chats can be helpful in alleviating some of this homesickness. Let your child know that it's OK to miss his mom or dad and encourage him to talk about his feelings with you. Never say anything negative about your ex while your child is present or make statements that could be interpreted as asking your child to pick sides in your Pasadena divorce.

             Patrick Baghdaserians, a Pasadena-based family law attorney, will guest speak at a Southwestern Law School event that will be held on February 11, 2012 at 9:00 a.m.  Mr. Baghdaserians has been invited to speak at the Armenian Bar Association and Southwestern Law School joint event that is intended to educate, inform and empower the future generation of Armenian attorneys.

            The event will consist of brief presentations by 15 attorneys from various fields of legal practice including, but not limited to judges, federal prosecutors, criminal defense, government, corporate and in-house counsel, entertainment, civil and public interest litigators.  Following the presentations students will have the opportunity to individually interact with the speakers and members in attendance.

            "We are honored that Southwestern Law School has asked Patrick to be a guest speaker at this event.  I believe it shows that Patrick is recognized within our community as being a very good family law attorney and the university knows that he will impart valuable information to students interested in practicing family law," said Donald P. Schweitzer in relation to Mr. Baghdaserians' invitation to speak at the event.

Mr.  Baghdaserians is an associate attorney at the Law Offices of Donald P. Schweitzer.  After graduating from Loyola Marymount University with a BA in Political Science, in 2004, Mr. Baghdaserians entered Southwestern University School of Law.  

Mr. Baghdaserians handles cases involving all the various issues associated with Family Law; including support, retrieving hidden assets, characterization and division of property and post-judgment modifications.

In addition, he has worked on Custody and Support cases involving inter jurisdictional matters with high income earners in the entertainment and business industries. In this capacity, he has represented clients on both sides of the matter. Most recently he has been given the position of a LA Superior Court Court-Appointed Referee. Mr. Baghdaserians is tenacious in the representation of his clients, both in the courtroom and at the negotiating table.

Judicial officers, lawyers, and licensed mental health professionals are invited to join the Family Law Section on Wednesday, February 8, 2012 for an interesting topic regarding important issues that involve "Alienation, Estrangement, Attachment, and Alignment."  The meeting will begin at 6:00 p.m. and will be held at Noor located within the Paseo Mall.

           Some of the most difficult cases that family law attorneys face are those which a child resists or refuses contact with one of his or her parents.  In order to assist members deal with these issues, the Pasadena Bar Association will host this special evening event where three expert guest speakers will address the problems in a panel type of forum.      Our three guest speakers for the evening will be Leslie Drozd, Ph.D., Kathryn Kuehnle, Ph.D.; and Lisa Kiriakidis, Certified Family Law Specialist. 

            Leslie Drozd and Kathryn Kuehnle have also agreed to sign copies of their latest book, being released in the near future, which includes a chapter specifically devoted to the topic of alienation.  The book will be available for sale at the meeting.

            We look forward to this interesting and informative meeting and expect a very large turnout among local family law professionals.  For those interested in attending this meeting, reservations can be made by contacting Linda Dugan at Ldugan@duganlittle.com.  

Submitted by Donald P. Schweitzer

While a Pasadena divorce lawyer can help with the formal paperwork necessary to end your marriage, it's up to you to adjust to the changes that will follow. For many people who were stay-at-home parents during their marriage, a divorce means a return to the workforce. Although this transition can be difficult, you will find the experience a bit easier if you remember the following tips.

First, resist the urge to leave your time at home off your resume. Employers generally require an explanation of any substantial gap in your employment history. It is perfectly acceptable to say you were a stay-at-home parent, but most human resource departments suggest you avoid using silly job titles like "domestic engineer" to describe your household duties. You may think you're being creative, but the hiring manager may see your embellished job description as a sign you're not being entirely honest about other aspects of your professional history.

Second, don't overlook the importance of volunteer activities when putting together a resume. If you served as president of the PTA, for example, this can be used to illustrate leadership and communication skills. If you oversaw a fundraiser for your child's soccer team, this shows that you are good at managing money. These are all skills that are transferable to the workplace, even if you were not working in a paid position. However, if your volunteer experience is with a political or religious organization, it may be best to word the description as neutrally as possible in order to avoid any potential controversy.

Finally, consider going back to school. Even if you already have a bachelor's degree, you may need additional training in order to be a competitive candidate for many positions. For example, computer science jobs involve using technology that changes very quickly. The programs that were cutting edge three or four years ago are now obsolete. If you're worried about childcare, many schools now offer flexible online education options.

If you're returning to work after a contested divorce in Pasadena, do your best to think of this as an exciting transition in your life. A positive attitude and a willingness to take on new challenges will go a long way towards helping you find your dream job.

Do parents have an obligation to assist with expenses relating to their child's college education? While some parents start saving for their child's tuition as soon as they receive a positive pregnancy test, others believe it's important for their children to work and pay for their education on their own. However, if a child has divorced parents, the court may order college support payments. Parents can also negotiate to have this included as part of their divorce decree.

Child support payments are payments that are made for the living expenses of the child, while college support payments are payments that are made for the post-secondary education expenses of the child. It is possible to be ordered to pay both child support and college support for the same child, although sometimes a judge will allow you to pay child support payments directly to the child instead of your ex-spouse if he is living off campus and has significant monthly expenses that must be paid.

Judges consider several different factors when deciding if college support is appropriate, such as the financial resources of the child's parents, the child's own income and assets, the nature of the child's educational goals, and the standard of living the child would have had if his parents had not divorced. If a parent is ordered to provide college support, the child receiving the support often must meet specific obligations regarding school attendance, the number of credits earned each semester, and the grades received for each class.

If you have tuition remission offered as an employment benefit, this can't be used in place of your court-ordered college support payments. Typically, courts will rule that both parents must benefit from the tuition remission.

Any Pasadena divorce attorney will tell you that college support awards are controversial, since there are no laws requiring parents who remain married to contribute financially to the cost of their child's education. Even if you are not legally ordered to provide college support payments, however, you should consider that your child's eligibility for grants, loans, and other forms of financial aid is dependent upon your income. When completing the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA), college students must report parental income and assets regardless of whether or not they are receiving parental assistance with their educational expenses.

If you're looking for a divorce attorney in Pasadena, remember that choosing adequate legal representation may be one of the most important decisions you'll make when ending your marriage. The right lawyer will be a strong advocate for your best interests, while the wrong lawyer could turn your divorce into a time consuming and often unnecessary courtroom battle.

For most people, their first instinct when searching for a divorce lawyer is to ask friends and family members for recommendations. While this can be a good starting point in your search, you should never rely on personal recommendations alone. Every case is unique and the best divorce lawyer for your sister or your old college roommate might not be the right attorney to handle your case.

When searching for a divorce lawyer in Pasadena, you want to choose a professional who specializes in divorce law instead of someone who has a general law practice.

If you have children, remember to ask if your divorce lawyer has experience in dealing with cases involving child custody and visitation. These can be complex issues and not all divorce lawyers are fully versed in family law. Remember that not all couples who are ending their marriages have children together.

If you and your spouse own a business together, have substantial investments, or have complicated retirement funds, you will want to select a divorce lawyer with above average skills in handling the division of assets. Attorneys who work in Pasadena divorce law firms often have access to specialists they can consult on these matters if needed.

The best divorce lawyers are those who succeed both in and out of court. An aggressive lawyer who passionately argues your case may sound ideal, but this isn't the best choice if your case would be better handled outside the courtroom. The best divorce lawyers know when divorce mediation is an appropriate alternative to litigation. Instead of being worried about appearing tough or aggressive, they work to find solutions that will help your case be settled as quickly as possible so you can move forward with the next chapter of your life.

When filing divorce in Pasadena, women should keep in mind a few tips to make the experience less painful:

1. Divorce is never easy, but women are often more likely than men to blame themselves for the demise of their marriage. Remember that marriages are partnerships. If the partnership fails, both spouses are accountable to some extent. Accept responsibility for your role in the divorce, but do not dwell on things that can't be changed. Obsessing about the past will only keep you from moving on with your life.
2. For the most amicable divorce, try to avoid emotional extremes. Do not be overly passive or accommodating, since this will encourage your ex to treat you poorly. However, screaming, throwing things, and insisting on getting your own way all the time can be equally counterproductive. Strive to be calm and open to reasonable comprises during your divorce settlement.
3. If you have children, you'll likely want to keep the family home to provide your kids with as much stability as possible during this difficult time. However, it's important to make sure you're not underestimating the cost of homeownership. When negotiating your divorce settlement, think about how you will pay for things like property taxes, homeowner's association fees, and any necessary home repairs. If you won't be able to afford these expenses, it may be better for everyone if you move to a smaller home or a more affordable neighborhood.
4. If you were a stay-at-home parent at the time of your divorce, you may be feeling intimidated by the idea of rejoining the workforce. If it's been several years since you worked outside the home, you may need some additional postsecondary education in order to be competitive in today's tight job market. Many colleges and universities also have support groups for single moms that can help you deal with issues such as daycare needs and helping your children adjust to the changes in their home life.
5. Don't feel pressured to date until you're ready. Your friends may mean well by offering to set you up with their cute neighbors or coworkers, but it's important to take the time to attend to your own emotional well being before jumping into a new relationship.