Recent Blog Posts in January 2012

If you're filing for divorce in Pasadena, chances are you've found yourself wishing there was one easy form to fill out and the whole mess would be done. In Texas, such a form could very well become a reality. But not everybody in the Lone Star State thinks an easy divorce form is a great idea.

Last Wednesday, the Supreme Court issued a letter to Texas State Bar president Bob Black, pushing the idea of simplified divorce forms which could be reviewed by the Supreme Court Advisory Committee. The forms have been in the works for nearly two years and are aimed at helping the millions of Texans who can't afford legal representation.

Proponents of the forms say that too many confused and unqualified Texans are forced to represent themselves in divorce court since there isn't enough legal aid to go around. Forms like the proposed ones in Texas are the norm in all but 12 other states, and champions of the cause say it's high time that Texas made getting a divorce easier. The legal system in Texas is notoriously clogged and backlogged and proponents also are hoping these forms will help alleviate system strain.

Opponents of the forms, on the other hand, argue that average people wouldn't know what they were filling out and something that was supposed to make things easier would complicate the divorce process even further. Judge Judy Warne told The Daily Caller that arrogance, not financial strain, is why people don't hire lawyers and the forms would only encourage folks to try to skate around the system.

"They don't know what to do with them," Warne said. "They think this is the magic form that's going to fix everything."

Other opponents say more manpower in free legal aid is the answer. Still, people in favor of the forms claim that family lawyers are against the forms because of greed and fear that the forms could potentially hurt their profits.

The state Supreme Court is expected to have a ruling on the forms as early as April.

Every once-in-a-while I come upon a case where the Family Court judge issues a Domestic Violence Restraining Order with an expiration date of less than the normal five-year period.  Pursuant to Family Code section 6345, the Family Court judge is well within his or her discretion to issue a restraining order for less than five years as the Family Code states

In the discretion of the Court, the personal conduct, stay away, and residence exclusion orders contained in a Court Order issued after notice and a hearing under this article may have a duration of not more than five years, subject to termination or modification by further order of the Court either on written stipulation filed by the Court or on the motion of a party.

On multiple occasions after a hearing, it has been my strong opinion that the Family Court judge got it wrong by limiting the duration of the Domestic Violence Restraining Order to one or two years, instead of issuing the order for a full five years.  In those cases, I felt that the Family Court judge did not consider or appreciate the severity of the domestic violence committed upon the victim, and did not understand the amount of protection that the victim required.  Unfortunately, there is not a lot an attorney can do under these circumstances due to the wide discretion of the court.

Fortunately, however, due to a recent Appellate Court decision, victims of domestic violence may get a second bite at the apple by obtaining a renewed restraining order with a longer duration.  In the case of Avalos v. Perez, the Court of Appeal held that the Trial Court erred by renewing a restraining order for two years instead of five years as required by the Family Code.  In Avalos v. Perez, the petitioner sought a restraining order against the defendant based on allegations that the defendant was repeatedly physically, sexually, and mentally abusing her and that he had threatened to harm her and her family.  After the trial, the Family Court judge issued a two‑year restraining order, and at the time the petitioner did not raise any objections to the limited duration of the order.

Two months before the restraining order was to expire, the petitioner filed for a renewal of the Domestic Violence Restraining Order in Family Court.  In support of the renewal, the petitioner claimed that the defendant sent a third-party to her workplace to "send her greetings."  At the hearing, the petitioner testified that she was afraid of the defendant because he apparently knew where she worked, and she believed that he may repeat the domestic violence.  At the conclusion of the hearing, the Trial Court expressed doubt that the petitioner was truly in fear, and renewed the restraining order for another two years rather than five years.

On appeal, the petitioner argued that the Trial Court erred by failing to renew the Domestic Violence Restraining Order for five years.  In rendering a decision, the Appellate Court looked at the plain meaning and language of Family Code section 6345(a), and noted that restraining orders may be renewed for five years and that the Code did not give the Family Court discretion to renew it for any period less than five years.  In other words, the Court of Appeals stated that a two‑year renewal of an existing restraining order is not authorized by the plain language of Family Code section 6345.

The Court of Appeal also held that the petitioner's failure to object to the duration of the Domestic Violence Restraining Order was not fatal to her appeal. 

Finally, the Court of Appeal also held that the petitioner's claim of continued fear was amply supported by the defendant's conduct prior to the termination of the existing order and the history of the defendant's abuse against her.      Therefore, we can conclude from this decision that a victim of domestic violence does not have to assert new domestic violence in order to obtain a renewal of the Domestic Violence Restraining Order.  Instead, the victim simply needs to prove by preponderance of the evidence, that there is continued fear based on the defendant's conduct.  Furthermore, the victim's fear does not have to be based entirely on new evidence of wrongdoing because the trial court can look to the extent of the domestic violence that was proven at the first hearing.   

In conclusion, victims of domestic violence who obtain Domestic Violence Restraining Orders with limited duration should not give up in seeking protection from the court.  If the victim continues to be afraid, he or she can not only obtain a renewal with a longer duration, but the evidence to support the renewed order is less burdensome.

 
Even the most amiable folks divorcing in Pasadena have to figure out who gets to keep the house. And in those not-so-amiable breakups, houses and apartments can become battlegrounds. Over the last few months, we've seen celebrities duke it out over beach houses and billionaires trying to cling to castles - but when it comes to property squabbles, nothing beats the saga of the Star Trek apartment.

Super Star Trek fan Tony Alleyne has been profiled more than a few times for having the ultimate Trekkie apartment. After his wife left him in 1994, Alleyene spent a staggering $150,000 to transform his one-bedroom apartment in Leicester, U.K., into an exact replica of the fictional starship the U.S.S. Voyager from the Star Trek: Voyager television series.

"I have always considered that of all the Starfleet ships, Voyager is, in terms of interior, the luxury liner of the galaxy," Alleyne said in an interview in 2009.

No detail of the ship was skipped and Alleyne calls the remodel his "life's work." The project took ten years to complete and has been blogged about by fans of the franchise since its completion. A high-tech bathroom, voice-activated blue lights and his own captain's chair are just a few of the one-of-a-kind features.

So imagine Alleyene's disappointment when he learned that his ex-wife would be taking the apartment from him. How did an ex of nearly twenty years stake claim on her estranged husband's ultimate sci-fi man cave? Turns out Alleyene's ex-wife is the actual owner of the apartment and has been paying the mortgage since the pair broke up in 1994. She is just now seeking an official divorce and hopes to sell the apartment as a "conventional property." She plans to dismantle all of the Star Trek fixings and remodel the apartment before she puts it on the market.

This coming month members of the Pasadena Bar Association will receive their annual membership renewal forms sent by our executive director.  Members of our Association should look carefully at the application and insert this year as the materials will include information on how to take part of a new feature recently added to the Pasadena Bar Association web site. 

The new feature allows members to post their photographs onto the Pasadena Bar Association website along with a direct link to their personal web pages.  To ensure that all of our members have an equal opportunity to display their names and photographs at the top of the site, the feature automatically rotates the names on an hourly basis.  Consequently, no attorney listed on the website will have an advantage due to the spelling of his or her name. 

Members who are interested in signing up for the feature should check the designated box on the application and send their checks to the Pasadena Bar Association.  Questions concerning this new feature should be addressed to our executive director, Michele Paniagua, at info@ pasadenabar.org.  To view the new attorney referral feature go to www.pasadenabar.org, click on the family law attorneys section of the referral page and you will see samples of attorneys with photographs and direct links to their websites.

The Pasadena Bar Association believes that this feature will provide a valuable benefit to participating members.  For those of us who desire referrals from other attorneys, the photographs will allow attorneys within the community to look to the website and place a face to the names of people they may have met at our various events.  Similarly, members of the public will also have the opportunity of putting a face to the name before selecting an attorney to call. 

When a regular person is filing for divorce in Pasadena, chances are they don't have to worry about the world watching their every move. But when a celebrity even thinks about filing for a divorce, all bets are off. Over the weekend, the Internet exploded with rumors that supermodel and Project Runway hostess  Heidi Klum was filing for divorce from singer Seal. By Saturday night, though, sources close to the couple said the pair wasn't headed for divorce - at least not just yet.

Within 24 hours, Klum and Seal went from Hollywood's cutest couple to the latest power pairing headed for divorce and finally to a couple trying to work out their differences. A source close to the couple told People magazine, "They've been fighting a lot lately, but they have no plans to announce a split right now. They're not divorcing. They seem to be doing a lot better." When rumors of a breakup hit the Internet, fans were shocked as Klum and Seal (whose real name is Seal Henry Samuel) always had appeared to be one of Tinsel Town's most in love couples. In fact, the pair often renewed their vows in elaborate ceremonies in front of hundreds of guests.

Other news outlets, however, were reporting that trouble for the couple had been brewing for a long time. The Sunday Mirror and TMZ.com have both talked to sources who say it's Seal's hard drinking and partying that are causing the couple to break apart.

"When they had their holiday in Ibiza last summer, Seal hit it hard, was out at clubs and with his friends a lot and Heidi was left with their kids trying to enjoy herself. The cracks were appearing and everybody was talking during that trip. He seemed off the rails," one insider told the Mirror. "They've spent a lot of time apart too on work assignments and that hasn't helped matters."

Yet as we've seen in the past with celebrity marriages, more will be revealed in the days to come as Seal is expected to make several television appearances in support of his new album.

The couple was married in 2005 and have four children together.

                                         
Couples seeking divorce advice in Pasadena frequently have questions regarding the acceptable use of child support payments. While  child support will be legally ordered whenever there are minor children involved in a divorce settlement, many parents do not fully understand the purpose of child support payments.

In a divorce settlement, courts recognize that both parents have a legal responsibility to provide for the financial needs of their children. The purpose of child support payments is to provide the custodial parent with reimbursement for some of the child's living expenses. This includes things such as clothing, educational expenses, food, shelter, and medical costs not covered by insurance. When determining the amount of child support payments, a judge will consider factors such as parental income, the child's standard of living before the divorce, and how much time the child will be spending with each parent. The cost of health insurance and daycare can be considered as well, if one parent will be solely responsible for these expenses.

Studies have repeatedly shown that money is one of the top causes of arguments among married couples. Unfortunately, financial disagreements don't get any easier once a couple divorces. In California, courts do not require parents receiving child support payments to provide the person making the payments with an accounting of how the funds are being used. It is assumed that a parent who is determined fit to have custody will be responsible enough to manage the child support funds in an appropriate manner. For this reason, money received from child support payments does not need to be kept separate from general household funds. It is acceptable for this money to be used to pay for groceries, utilities, or any other regular household expenses that benefit the child.

If you believe that your child support payments are not being used appropriately, you can request a court order to have the payment amount adjusted. However, you will need to provide significant evidence that the child's basic needs are not currently being met. Without concrete evidence that payments are being misused, child support awards will typically only be adjusted after a change in parental income due to job loss, disability, or change in employment.

The reasons for your divorce don't go away when a Pasadena divorce attorney helps you end your marriage, but you'll still need to be able to handle conducting a civilized conversation with your ex if you have children together. To keep the lines of communication open, you might find it helpful to keep in mind three key tips for successful co-parenting after a divorce.

First, it's often helpful to think of co-parenting as a business relationship. You wouldn't scream at your boss or your colleague for arriving five minutes late to an important business meeting, so it's best to resist the urge to yell at your spouse if he is late picking up your children. Even when you're angry, strive to keep your tone as neutral and respectful as you would be if you were in the office. You are no longer married, but you are "in business" with your ex raising your children to be happy and productive adults. If you have trouble keeping your temper in check, voice mail, text message, or email might be helpful for arranging the day-to-day details of your co-parenting arrangements. Do not rely on your child to communicate messages to your ex, since children often misinterpret details and are likely to resent the responsibility for playing "peacekeeper" between their parents.

Second, remember that requests are likely to be interpreted more positively than demands or even statements of what you want to do. Ask "Do you think we could change visitation from Monday to Wednesday this week?" instead of "I need to pick up Jillian on Wednesday this week." No one likes to feel like they are being ordered to do something, especially if the person giving the orders is someone they've had trouble dealing with in the past. Giving orders might work when you're trying to get your children dressed and out the door in the morning, but barking orders at your ex is likely to be met with a complete refusal to cooperate. Strive to treat your ex in the same way you wish to be treated, even if he doesn't "deserve" the consideration.

Finally, be willing to compromise. You don't need to give in to every request your ex makes, but showing flexibility will go a long way towards establishing a more amicable co-parenting relationship. For example, if you feel strongly that your son needs to be in bed by 10 pm on a school night, it might be worth compromising on what type of TV shows he's allowed to watch in order to make sure your ex sees he gets the sleep he needs.

                                


If you're going through a contested divorce in Pasadena, it's important to remember that all children are affected by stress at home. Refusing to speak poorly of your ex in front of your child is certainly a noble goal, but children can sense your feelings even when they are not explicitly stated. If there are issues in your divorce relating to child custody or your child has had to move to a new home because of the divorce, this can cause further stress.

The way children deal with stress often depends on their age and temperament. A preschool age boy, for example, might start having accidents at school even though he's been potty trained for over a year or get in trouble for trying to bite a classmate who wouldn't share a toy. A teenage girl, in comparison, might have poor grades, experiment with alcohol, or take up a romance with a much older boy. Any change in your child's behavior after your divorce should be carefully considered as you're determining how well he or she is adjusting to the new structure of your family life.

Although you don't need to share all the details surrounding your divorce, it's a good idea to let your child's teacher know about the changes in your home. Ask to be contacted if there are any changes she notices in your son or daughter's behavior. If there are problems that need to be addressed, it's best to deal with the issue as soon as possible. School plays an important role in maintaining stability in a child's life, so it's in everyone's best interest to make sure your child is able to focus well enough to reach his or her full potential.

In most schools, notices regarding parent teacher conferences, extracurricular activities, and a child's school progress will automatically be sent to the parent who has primary custody of the child. If you have a different way you would like to handle communication from the school, you will need to make special arrangements. School administrators understand that many children have complicated home situations and should be willing to accommodate all reasonable requests. Pasadena family law firms can provide any necessary official documentation the school requires.

While navigating your through a contested divorce in Pasadena, it is likely that you have experienced differences of opinion when it comes to financial matters and coughed at numbers that seem astronomical. However, it is highly unlikely that your divorce settlement has a $75 million dollar price tag. Yet that's exactly what the Aga Kahn Prince Karim is being asked to fork over in his divorce - and he is flatly refusing to pay.

Although the Aga Kahn, who is the spiritual leader to millions of the Ismaeli Muslim community, is estimated to be worth anywhere between $5 and $10 billion, he has filed a last-minute appeal in a French divorce court. His refusal to pay sets in motion an unprecedented review by the Cour de Cassation and could delay the divorce for up to seven years. Given the additional time and lengthy proceedings, the move shocked both legal experts and high society watchers alike.

Aga Kahn and his former pop star wife, Begum Inaara Aga Kahn, broke up nearly six years ago after rumors of his affair with an airline hostess surfaced in the European tabloids. This past September, a French court ordered the twice-married racehorse owner to fork over a $75 million dollar settlement, which seemed small compared to the estimated $500 million settlement Inaara was initially rumored to receive. The Aga Kahn was allegedly set to marry for a third time to Beatrice von der Schulenburg. The refusal to pay his current divorce settlement will undoubtedly delay that marriage. His current wife, formerly known as Gabriele zu Leiningen, will retain the title of Her Highness the Begum Aga Kahn. According to the Telegraph, "The Cour de Cassation must now decide whether the latest ruling was legally watertight, failing which it could order a new appeals trial, further dragging out the process."

In most cases, family law lawyers in Pasadena will tell you that non-custodial parents have the same rights as custodial parents in regards to their child's education. Unless there is a court order to the contrary, a non-custodial parent is allowed to participate in parent teacher conferences and school activities. He or she is also entitled to copies of documents relating to a child's education, including test scores, report cards, and progress reports. However, many schools will assume that communication should take place with the custodial parent. If you want to make alternative arrangements, you will need to speak to a school administrator directly. School officials are understanding of the many different home situations their students are dealing with, but they won't know about your divorce unless you make an effort to keep the lines of communication open.

According to the American School Counselor Association, some schools have policies saying that a custodial parent will be notified as a courtesy if the non-custodial parent has been contacted regarding a child's performance at school. Depending upon the circumstances surrounding your divorce, this may be an issue you wish to discuss with your child's teachers.

For most married couples, one parent takes the role as the dominant authority figure when it comes to communicating with teachers and making decisions regarding a child's education. Unfortunately, this dynamic doesn't work well after a divorce. Studies have shown than children with divorced parents benefit from having both their mother and father involved in their education. However, as a non-custodial parent, you must realize that staying involved will require more of a conscious effort on your part.

If you have remarried after your divorce, you may be wondering what rights a stepparent has in regards to a child's education records. The Family Education Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) is the federal statue that governs access to a child's education records. This law defines a parent as "a natural parent, a guardian or an individual acting as a parent in the absence of a parent or a guardian." A stepparent is considered to have the same rights as a natural parent in regards to educational records if he or she is present in the child's home on a regular basis. If you are the non-custodial parent, therefore, your new spouse's rights will be limited under FERPA.

Same-sex couples seeking divorce advice in Pasadena are more often than not riddled with the concerns that the laws won't give them the same protection that divorcing straight couples are entitled to. Many states have outdated or just plain discriminatory laws that prevent same-sex couples from receiving equal treatment in divorce court. Now Washington D.C. has set its sights on updating divorce laws for gay and lesbian couples.

D.C. councilman Phil Mendelson was prompted to propose legalization after hearing that same-sex couples who were married in the district were being denied divorces after moving to jurisdictions that don't recognize same-sex marriages. D.C. started allowing sex-same marriages in 2010, but since only a handful of states recognize gay marriage, getting a divorce can be even more complicated.

"I received a number of reports from couples or attorneys about this impossible situation," Mendelson told CNN. His bill lifts the six-month waiting period during which someone seeking a divorce must reside in the district provided they were married in D.C. to begin with.

The proposed bill so far has received positive response from gay and lesbian activists and human rights groups.

"This bill fills a gap in the law created by our being ahead of the historical curve. None of us celebrates the dissolution of a marriage, but equality under the law must extend to every contingency. The lack of a clear legal mechanism for divorce can make an unhappy situation much worse for all involved," said Rick Rosendall of the Gay and Lesbian Activists Alliance of Washington.

Experts say the measure is likely to pass, as 7 of the 13 members co-sponsored the bill. Before the bill can become a law in the city of D.C., approval by the mayor or an override is needed, as is a 30-day congressional review period.

Just when divorce attorneys in Pasadena thought they might get their wish that nasty, high-profile celebrity divorces would be a thing of the past, the divorce of Oscar-nominated actor Terrence Howard comes along to prove us wrong. According to the Daily Beast, newly-released court documents in Howard's divorce case are filled with he said/she said allegations of "violence, death threats, extortion and racial slurs." And that's just the beginning.

Terrence Howard and Michelle Ghent were engaged in May 2009 but didn't walk down the aisle until January 27, 2010 and, according to the paperwork which was filed last year, problems for the pair started long before they said "I do." Michelle Ghent Howard claims that her estranged husband threatens to physically harm her via text, voice mail, email and Skype at all hours of the day. Terrence Howard says that it's Michelle who does the harassing and he claims that Michelle has threatened to ruin his career by releasing recordings of conversations he had with other people. Michelle was granted a restraining order on December 5th based on claims that "Terrence Howard has caused her physical injuries that required medical attention, once broke her computer in half, repeatedly threatened her and stalked her by telephone and on the Internet," reports the Daily Beast.

Howard now has filed a restraining order against Michelle and is due in court on January 17th. The documents say that Michelle did not know about Howard's 2002 domestic violence charges from the past wherein he pleaded guilty to attacking his first wife in Pennsylvania. He says Ghent Howard was also physically abusive, she had a history of hitting him in public when he was friendly to female fans and that she repeatedly called him the "N word" and other racially-charged insults. The court documents are stuffed with more scandals like alleged email hacking, bank account draining and more bizarre physical altercations.

Michelle's restraining order against Terrence Howard expires on January 17th, which is coincidentally the same day a judge will decide whether or not he will grant Terrence Howard's request for a restraining order against Michelle.

On Thursday, January 19, 2012, at 5:30 pm, the law firm of Christie, Parker, and Hale, will host an inauguration party for the incoming president of the Pasadena Bar Association - Sajan Kashyap.  The inaugural party will be at the new offices of Christie, Parker, and Hale, located at 655 N. Central Ave, Ste. 2300, Glendale, CA 91203-1445. Although the law firm of Christie, Parker, and Hale moved to Glendale from Pasadena in December 2011, it will continue to be proud leaders within the Pasadena Bar Association.

In years past, the inauguration, hosted by Christie, Parker, and Hale has proven to be well attended and a fun event to kick off the New Year.  The Pasadena Bar Association welcomes all members and attorneys interested in joining the association to join us in welcoming our new president and learning about the Association's 2012 schedule of events and goals.

Look at your current relationship and note whether or not any or all of the following apply:

• Is possessive or jealous toward you.
• Bossy or demanding in attempts to control you.
• May have a quick temper and/or is violent.
• Attempts to isolate you by cutting you off from friends, family, and other social contacts.
• Abuses alcohol and/or drugs.
• You feel pressure sexually and/or demands sexual activities you're not comfortable with.
• Tells you you're responsible when he mistreats you.
• History of bad relationships.
• Friends and family are concerned for your health and safety.
• You worry about your partner's reactions to what you say and do.
• Partner makes "jokes" that embarrass, humiliate, or shame you privately or around family and friends.
• Partner has angry outbursts when they feel hurt, shame, fear, or loss of control.
• Partner witnessed abusive parental relationship and/or was abused as a child.
• In order to cope with the pain of the relationship, you and/or your partner have developed or progressed in alcohol or drug dependence.
• You repeatedly leave and return to relationship against the advice of your loved ones.
• You are not able to leave the relationship even though you know it is in your best interests to do so.

If you are thinking about leaving a destructive disturbing or otherwise unworkable relationship know you'll most likely always struggle with claiming a sense of self while with this person. It will zap you of your energy and for all your effort you'll still feel a sense of loss and emptiness. If your partner agrees to couples therapy and both of you are sincerely interested in making positive changes then go for it.

Just be prepared that it might not work and in the end you'll need to get out so you can begin living a normal life.

Remember to expect respect. It takes practice, and trust in yourself, to know when something someone says to you, or wants you to do, isn't right. Stand up for yourself and realize you have great value. Don't let other people push you around, embarrass, or in some other way make you feel inferior. People who are cruel to you are not worth having in your life.

Above all, don't be so dependent on another person, that the value you place on yourself is determined by the attention they pay to you. You are a separate person!

by Jill Burrett and Michael Green

Separation always disrupts the familiar patterns of family life. Routines and responsibilities that had been established as the family grew and developed have to be renegotiated. How your family operated probably came about without a lot of proactive planning. It's unlikely that either parent worried too much, especially in happier times, about who did what and how much actual time each spent doing the hands-on stuff of day-to-day family life.

Why families work well

Traditional family life has its own built-in efficiencies that work well for children, if not always for parents. Children can see both of the most important people in their lives every day. Busy parents can feel connected with everyone on very little time. Each parent takes on responsibilities that fit their skills, availability, and interests, and a natural division with commonsense delegation of domestic activities develops. Whatever partnership frustrations and disappointments you are struggling with, the family you have created is the only one your children know and is what they depend on for their security. It's an effective and uncomplicated arrangement for your kids that meets their growing needs even if it doesn't always work for you.

Why separating means big changes

Because you're living separately, you have to adjust to a system of parenting in shifts, in which you are completely on or off. You may have to go for days without seeing your kids, and you might not have bargained on making that adjustment until they were much older. Now the kids are off to their other home for parts of the week, leaving you feeling stranded and unsettled.

The scene is set for you both to start worrying about potential grievances and uncertainties: what's fair, how to juggle everything so you don't lose touch, whether the kids will love you less if you're not there all the time, who's paying for everything for the kids, how a parent who's never been around much for them can look after them properly, and so on. Research on children of divorce has produced varied results. However, there is agreement that separation can put children at serious risk in a number of ways. Currently, about 80 percent of the children whose parents are separated live in sole-mother custody arrangements, and around a third of them have little or no contact with their fathers. The common arrangement for parenting children after divorce living with Mom and visiting Dad often leaves everyone dissatisfied. There is evidence that it does little for parent child relationships and can reduce one parent to onlooker status. Children cared for mainly by mothers can too easily lose contact with their fathers. Mothers can find parenting on their own a tough task and need relief and support. Fathers who experience difficulties maintaining contact often withdraw from their children's lives, with negative consequences for themselves and for the children.

But recent research brings us good news: children in shared-care arrangements appear to be better adjusted on several levels; and many studies show that most parents with majority care want their ex-partners to see more of the children.

What should parents do?

Because families are all different, no one post-divorce arrangement can be in the best interests of all children. It's how you parent, not how many hours you put in, that matters, although quantity of time is relevant because it supports quality parenting.

Parenting takes patience, self-sacrifice, and self-analysis. Separation is an opportunity to rethink your parenting priorities. Your children need time-meaningful time-with both of their parents. They need to feel you are available. They need you to give them guidance, sympathy, discipline, and supervision. They need you to convey a strong sense of their importance to you despite your other priorities. Quality parenting takes time, but having time with your children is no guarantee that your parenting is going to be meaningful and constructive, unless you make sure it is. What your kids want, need, and deserve is emotional commitment and active participation from both of you, however their time with you is divided, provided you both have plenty of time with them.

Shared parenting can produce happier children and more satisfied parents

Shared parenting allows both parents substantial time with their children, during which they have full responsibility for day-to-day decisions about them. There is no "major caretaker" or "custodian" of the children, no "part-time" or "visited" parent. Time-sharing may be equal, or something approaching that. Both parents share responsibility and authority for their children's upbringing; both are acknowledged to be equally important for the lives of their children; both have the duty to foster their own and each other's healthy and meaningful relationships with their children.

Consider a radical overhaul

"Equal time-share," "fifty-fifty," "joint custody" whatever you call it may not be the most practical, desirable, or affordable one for all sorts of reasons. But there's no reason why your starting point for planning how you organize yourselves shouldn't be a level playing field. Your children are your equal responsibility. This was your starting point for family life as you planned and expected it to be, and separating shouldn't and doesn't need to change this. Whatever has happened between you two that caused you to separate, and however angry or resentful you might feel about it, your kids need you both.

So start thinking about parenthood continuing as fully as possible for both of you, about the scope for engaged parenting developing in new ways, and about what changes (in attitude and output) you're going to have to make if shared parenting is to work well for your children:

• Put your children's welfare ahead of your own feelings
• Believe that your children love and need two parents
• Recognize and accept that everyone is different, and different in their parenting
• Work out a parenting plan that is creative and flexible
• Keep at it through thick and thin

Shared parenting can work, and children today will benefit enormously if there's more of it.

__________________________________________________________________

This article has been edited and excerpted with permission from Shared Parenting: Raising Your Children Cooperatively After Separation. Copyright © 2009 by Jill Burrett and Michael Green, Celestial Arts, an imprint of Ten Speed Press, a division of the Crown Publishing Group, Berkeley, CA.

If you're looking for divorce help in Pasadena, you may be wondering what role mediation plays in ending a marriage. While the idea of a divorce mediator is relatively new, this can often be a good alternative to litigation. A divorce mediator in Pasadena can work with your attorney to help create a settlement that best meets the needs of everyone involved.

Divorce mediation involves the use of a neutral third party who works with the disputing couple in order to reach a resolution regarding issues such as child custody or the division of marital assets. Many people believe mediation is an alternative to seeking the assistance of a divorce attorney, but an increasing number of lawyers are describing themselves as "mediation friendly" when it comes to best serving their clients. During the mediation process, these attorneys act as consultants to inform clients of their legal rights. After the mediation is complete, they draw up all of the necessary legal paperwork to formalize the desired resolution. Most charge only for the time they spend working on the legal aspects of the divorce mediation and do not require a retainer or deposit for their services.

Another common myth regarding mediation during divorce is that the mediator is going to favor one spouse over the other. Often, people believe that the mediator is likely to favor the woman in the dispute. However, it's important to realize that mediators are trained to be neutral and to reduce the impact of power imbalances during the dispute resolution process. Also, a divorce mediator is not allowed to force a couple to come to a resolution. The mediator does not have the same legal authority as a judge. His role is only to act as a guide to help the couple come up with a solution that they both consider fair enough to accept.

Mediation, while not recommended for marriages ending due to serious issues such as domestic violence or substance abuse, can be an excellent alternative to a costly and time-consuming legal battle. By reducing the amount of time you need to spend in a courtroom, you'll be able to more easily move forward with the next chapter of your life.

In sickness and in health may be easy words to recite on your wedding day, but studies show men have a hard time living by those words during their marriages. Divorce attorneys in Pasadena have seen article after article that says men are more likely to run out on a partner after they become seriously ill. But the question is why? A new article from the UK may provide some insights.

In December, The Daily Mail ran a provocative piece which looked at the reasons why men divorce wives who get sick. According to the article, a study for Macmillian Cancer Support found that a third of patients experienced difficulties in their relationship after their diagnosis. A quarter of those said they broke up with their partner as a result of their illness. 31 percent of the women in the study said their relationship ended after a cancer diagnosis compared to the 11 percent of men.

Psychologist Lelia Collins says perhaps men leave sick spouses because their wives no longer look the same as they did when they were well.

"Men are more visual than women and are more likely to be attracted by what they see. Equally they are more likely to reject for this reason," Collins told the Daily Mail.

Counselor Jan Slater says physical limitations can also hinder intimacy.

"If someone is in a wheelchair, they are physically dependent on their partner. They can't just walk off and slam the door after an argument, for instance," she says. "They are no longer equal, adult to adult, as they once were - or indeed as they would want to be. If you are someone's (caregiver), it can be more akin to being their mother than their partner."

These new roles can hurt a couple who used to have an active sex life, Slater notes, saying "women will leave a relationship too if a man changes drastically."

The Seattle Care Alliance, which conducted a study of cancer patients and divorce, says divorce can be avoided in families dealing with a serious illness.

"We recommend that medical providers be especially sensitive to early suggestions of marital discord in couples affected by the occurrence of a serious medical illness, especially when the woman is the affected spouse and it occurs early in the marriage. Early identification and psychosocial intervention might reduce the frequency of divorce and separation, and in turn improve quality of life and quality of care."

This article will analyze this recently published appellate decision (In Re Marriage of Cryer ) that should serve as  glaring example as to why individuals should proceed carefully before filing such motions. 

In "In Re Marriage of Cryer," we see the failed attempt of a famous actor, Jon Cryer, to modify child support.  Jon Cryer, known for his leading role on a popular sitcom called "Two And A Half Men," married his wife in the year 2000.  During the same year, the parties gave birth to their minor child.  However, four years later, after Mr. Cryer completed his first season of "Two And A Half Men", the parties separated and filed for divorce.

In 2004, Mr. Cryer entered into a Stipulated Judgment for Dissolution pursuant to which he bought Ms. Cryer a condominium, and agreed to pay her a sum of $10,000.00 per month in child support, based on his rather high income and a 35 percent timeshare with the parties' minor child.

In May 2009, the minor child suffered an injury while in Ms. Cryer's home.  The Department of Children and Family Services subsequently filed a dependency action, and removed the child from Ms. Cryer's care and placed the child with Mr. Cryer.  As a result, Mr. Cryer filed an Order to Show Cause for downward modification of child support based on his increased time share and Ms. Cryer's decreased timeshare with the minor child.  This motion was filed in August 2009, at which time Mr. Cryer admitted that he earned $327,000.00 per month and had liquid assets amounting to $7 million. 

Judge Pellman of the Los Angeles Superior Court, the presiding judge over this matter, denied Mr. Cryer's request in part and granted it in part.  Upon hearing Mr. Cryer's arguments, she ordered that his child support obligation be reduced to $8,000.00 per month, from the original $10,000.00 per month, to reflect his increased time with the child.  However, Judge Pellman declined to reduce his child support obligation to the guideline amount of zero, because she believed that ordering child support based on the guideline formula would be "unjust and inappropriate." 

Judge Pellman also determined that Mr. Cryer was an extraordinarily high-income earner and found that it was in the child's best interest to come home to his mother's house in the manner that he was accustomed to living in Mr. Cryer's house.  The evidence showed that Ms. Cryer was financially dependent on Mr. Cryer, and that she would not be able to maintain the house if support was drastically reduced.  Based on her extensive prior experience as a judge in Juvenile Court, Judge Pellman is very familiar with the process that occurs after the Department of Child and Family Services files a petition in Juvenile Court.  Judge Pellman noted that the dependency action was in its early stages and that the Juvenile Court could modify custody at any time and return the child to Ms. Cryer as the child's primary caretaker.  Thus, it would not be in the child's best interest to grant Mr. Cryer's request for guideline support.

Mr. Cryer believed that Judge Pellman erred in ruling on his request for modification of child support and appealed her decision.  On appeal, however, Judge Pellman's rulings were affirmed.  The Court of Appeal held that Judge Pellman did not err by reducing child support to $8,000.00 per month because of the potential for a quick change in custody and visitation, the special circumstances related to the great disparity in the parties' incomes, and the trial court's findings that it was in the child's best interest that guideline child support not be ordered.

Unfortunately for Mr. Cryer, Judge Pellman also ordered him to pay all of Ms. Cryer's attorney's fees related to the multiple hearings on this matter, which amounted to more than $40,000.00.  Thus, Mr. Cryer not only lost in his attempt to lower child support to the guideline amount, but he also got stuck paying the bill for his failed efforts. 

In light of this decision, I think one can conclude that modifying child support is not as easy as it looks.  If you don't believe me, ask Jon Cryer.

Written by: Donald P. Schweitzer

If you're seeking divorce help in Pasadena, you're probably wondering when it's time to tell your children you're filing for divorce. This can be a difficult conversation to have, but it's important to be honest with your child. Hiding information from your son or daughter will only make the situation seem more confusing.

If at all possible, both parents should be present for the conversation about filing for divorce. If multiple children are involved, everyone should be told together. Avoid breaking the news on a school day or before an important family event, since your children are likely to be upset and in need of some alone time after they hear the news.

There are several books and DVDs available to help explain the idea of divorce to very young children. For older kids, however, an open and honest conversation is likely to be sufficient. If your child has a friend with divorced parents, he probably already has a basic understanding of what a divorce will mean for your family.

When telling your child that you're getting divorced, remember to stress that the end of your marriage is not his fault. Children tend to think of themselves as the center of the universe and will thus naturally assume that you're getting divorced because they did something wrong. Make sure your child understands that remembering to pick up his toys, not yelling at his baby sister, or going to bed without a fight wouldn't have changed anything about the situation.

Be ready to answer questions from your child, especially those relating to custody arrangements. After learning their parents are going to get a divorce, most children are concerned with where they're going to live and how often they're going to see the non-custodial parent. Older children may also have questions about the possibility of their parents dating and remarrying.

Even if you're very angry at your ex, do not share these feelings with your child. Your child does not need to hear insults and name calling. If your divorce is related to tricky issues such as infidelity or your spouse's drinking problem, these are also details that are best kept to yourself. Communication is good, but it needs to be done with an eye towards what information is age-appropriate to be shared.

A divorce law firm in Pasadena can help provide assistance dealing with the legal aspects surrounding the end of your marriage, but it's up to you to decide when you're ready to start dating again. There are no hard and fast rules about when it's time to begin dating after divorce. Some people feel ready for another relationship right away, while others need to take more time to heal. The longer your marriage lasted, the more time you'll likely need to recover from your divorce. Rushing into another relationship is likely to create unnecessary heartbreak.

When dating after divorce, you want to start with a clean slate. It's fine to think about the qualities you'd like to find in a romantic partner, but resist the urge to compare your dates to your ex. Every person, as well as every relationship, is different. Resolve to keep an open mind and to stop projecting any negative feelings about the end of your marriage onto your new relationships.

Online dating services are very popular among divorced men and women, but this isn't the only way to find someone special. You don't need to rely on friends and family to set you up on blind dates, either. One good way to meet new people when you're interested in dating after divorce is to join clubs and activities in your community. Think about the things you've always wanted to do, but never found time to pursue before. Get a gym membership, volunteer at a homeless shelter, or start attending regular worship services. Even if you don't meet the love of your life, you'll have fun in the process.

It's tempting to want to avoid confrontation, but you should never "forget" to mention that you have children from your marriage. It's not necessary to introduce your dates to your children until your relationship becomes more serious, but you want to avoid the implication that you're hiding your parental responsibilities or somehow ashamed about your past. At a bare minimum, your date should know your child's age and gender by the end of the evening.

Finally, when it's time to get intimate, remember to practice safe sex. Adults often think of this as a lecture reserved for teenagers, but anyone who is not in a committed long term relationship needs to know how to protect themselves.

Russell Brand and Katy Perry always seemed like a goofy, fun-loving Hollywood couple who often showed up at movie premiers wearing crazy outfits and big grins. But apparently things were not always so sunny between the two popular stars. In a statement released after the filing, Brand said, "Sadly, Katy and I are ending our marriage. I'll always adore her and I know we'll remain friends."

As is usual with Hollywood divorces, every tabloid and gossip website has some sort of theory as to why the couple, who had been married for just 14 months, broke up. US Weekly claims Perry's deeply religious family and Brand clashed, while E!'s Ted Casablanca says that it was Perry's partying that made recovering addict Brand uncomfortable. Yet even a non-Hollywood insider could speculate that it might have been the rigorous world tours and lengthy filming schedules of the pair that broke them apart. Perry has been on the road since last June, while Brand has shot 3 films and embarked on a book tour since the pair got together.

Perry has allegedly sought the support of fellow pop star and BFF Rihanna throughout her marital woes. Rihanna threw Perry's bachelorette party in Las Vegas nearly two years ago. Should the divorce turn nasty, it could wind up being expensive - for Perry. The pop singer brought in an estimated $45 million during her marriage to Brand, and the couple reportedly did not sign a prenup.

The pair were married in India in October 2010 during a lavish ceremony that suited their wacky personalities, fully equipped with jugglers, elephants and acrobats. This was the first marriage for both stars and they had no children together.

Ask any divorce attorney in Pasadena and they'll tell you the celebrity divorce formula usually goes as follows: First, announce the breakup to the press with a request for privacy (naturally, but good luck with that) then formally file for a divorce at a less conspicuous time some time in the near future. And that's exactly the playbook sports icon Deion Sanders borrowed from when he recently split up with his wife of 12 years.

NFL Hall of Fame quarterback Deion Sanders announced on December 17th, 2011, that he and wife Pilar Sanders would be ending their marriage. In a press statement, Deion said, "Pilar and I have decided to end our marriage and move on to the next phase of our individual lives with mutual respect. We are friends and our top priority has and will continue to be the well-being of our children.We arrived at this decision prayerfully and carefully in order to be able to pursue what is in both of our best personal interests."

The Sanders and their three children spent their holidays laying low and out of the limelight. Yet even before folks took their holiday decorations down, Deion announced that he had filed for divorce on December 27th. But he actually filed the paperwork on December 21st. Court paperwork obtained by TMZ.com and filed by Sanders in a Texas courthouse says,"The marriage has become insupportable because of discord or conflict" which "prevents any reasonable expectation of reconciliation." According to reports, Deion has reportedly agreed to buy Pilar a $10 million home as part of their prenuptial agreement. He is seeking joint custody.

The marriage of Deion and Pilar is said to have imploded after she discovered he was having an affair with a 19 year old. Pilar's lawyer Larry Friedman said she was blindsided by the divorce filing and that she learned about it while reading online. Friedman told TMZ Pilar was "heartbroken and surprised when [she] read ... that Deion announced his decision, on his own, to end their marriage. Pilar's sole focus and top priority for the last 12.5 years has been her marriage and children. Based on recent discoveries, [Pilar] now realizes that Deion did not view their family the same way."

Family attorneys in Pasadena, along with courtroom watchers and celebrity gossip columnists, have been wondering for months what the final price tag would be on Mel Gibson's divorce to wife Robyn Denise Moore. Well, wonder no longer. ABC News is reporting that Moore will be taking half of Gibson's $850 million fortune.

Married for 31 years and separated for nearly three, the Gibsons have accumulated considerable assets during their marriage, including major real estate investments (like the island he bought in Fiji for $15 million in 2005). People magazine is reporting Mel and Robyn did not have a prenuptial agreement and hence she also is entitled to half of any film residuals Gibson receives for the rest of his life.

The divorce will take effect on January 9, 2012, and is believed to be the most expensive in Hollywood history. Finalized by a judge in Los Angeles, the judgement keeps nearly all of the details of the settlement secret. Only one of the couple's seven children is still a minor and "therefore subject to a custody agreement," according to ABC News. Custody arrangements are believed to be the next item on the agenda for both Gibson and Moore and will likely be settled in January.

The massive payout comes just months after Gibson agreed to pay ex-girlfriend and mother of his young daughter Oksana Grigorieva $750,000. The couple was embroiled in a brutal custody battle that included the now infamous recordings of Gibson ranting sexist and racist comments. Gibson pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor battery charge involving Grigorieva in March. During the domestic abuse drama, Robyn Moore stood by her estranged husband's side and told the press Gibson was never physically abusive towards her or their children during their long marriage. Gibson and Moore reportedly waited to hash out the details of their divorce until his problems with Grigorieva had been addressed.