Recent Posts in Divorce Category

Family attorneys in Pasadena thought the divorce of Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant and estranged wife Vanessa was pretty much a done deal. After years of rumors of affairs, it appeared that Vanessa finally had enough. But new photos surfaced of the couple sharing a Valentine's kiss near the Lakers locker room, leaving fans wondering if Kobe and Vanessa called off what many counted on being the year's nastiest divorce.

Celebrity gossip blogs were positively buzzing last week when photos and video of Kobe and Vanessa Bryant kissing after a Lakers game showed up online. The pair was set to embark on an expensive and brutal divorce, but perhaps they changed their mind?

Not so much. According to the Los Angeles Times, the Bryant divorce is alive and well. The couple has already divided their vast assets in court. Records from an Orange County court show that Vanessa is set to receive $18.8 million in property from her NBA ex. Kobe is said to be worth $150 million and since the couple did not sign a prenuptial agreement, Vanessa could potentially walk away from the relationship with $75 million.

In the meantime, experts say it isn't uncommon for couples to have a "financial divorce" while trying to repair a relationship.

"A married couple can decide to split their specific assets and continue their marriage," Chris Melcher, a family law attorney, told the Times.

A financial divorce can sometimes improve a relationship, he says.

"There is more of a balance of power in the relationship," Melcher said.

Yet other sources are reporting Vanessa Bryant is done with Kobe and currently shopping for property in New York City.

Vanessa Bryant filed for divorce in December, citing "irreconcilable differences." The couple was married on April 18, 2001; they have two daughters.

Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass. 
~ Mary Kay Blakely

Getting a divorce is terrifying for the average person under average circumstances. Unlike other aspects of life, it does not necessarily get easier once youstart the process .  In fact, as you learn more about the legalities and finances, and as you get deeper into tasks such as dividing assets and debts, negotiating child custody, and addressing home, money, and job issues, it usually gets more difficult.

Just as you turn your life over to a surgeon when undergoing an operation, in a divorce you are asked to turn your well-being over to a number of different professionals, such as accountants, attorneys, and counselors. Having to trust these people with your financial and emotional welfare can certainly feel as though your life depends on their performance.

Although the process is not a linear one (meaning that it doesn't necessarily get better or easier with time), keep in mind that this ordeal will end, life will return to "normal" again, and you will regain your strength.

Just as we physically recover from surgery, our minds, hearts, and spirits recuperate from marital dissolution. It's a difficult process, even under the best of circumstances, but you will survive, and there is a new life awaiting you on the other side.

AFFIRMATION

I will survive this ordeal.

Parental Alienation - A Corrosive Legacy 
By Judge Michele Lowrance

I have been a judge on the divorce bench for 16 years, and have watched the wreckage of the corrosive legacy of parental alienation and visitation interference play out over decades. We have no statistics for measuring this group, because the victims are too vast. But the concentric circles include the children, their children and the extended family as well. The declaration of war by one parent on another creates radioactive fallout, which contaminates for generations.

The alienating parent treats the target parent like a disease in the child that must be removed. They make the child's survival contingent upon such removal. So the child must extricate the parent without the privilege of grieving the loss. These are crippling circumstances.

I have witnessed impassioned declarations of love for a child by an alienating parent to masquerade the venom he/she feels for the other parent. Parents who do this are not interested in mere control. Their stakes are higher: total annihilation of the target parent's bond with the child. Little by little, alienation in a divorce case starts to take root. And when it fully takes root, I see the child's boundaries collapse before my eyes. Soon the child forgets how to protect him or herself, and must align with the alienating parent as if life depends on it -- because it does.

Perhaps curing this degenerating influence may, in the future, be addressed by therapy. But for now, we can and must do better. I want to tell you how to be proactive in court, and how to fight against the inclination to give up like so many hurt, alienated parents -- who are, frankly, not always welcomed in the courts.

Why Cases Involving Parent Alienation are so Difficult

Here are some reasons these cases are so difficult, and why judges often have no love for them:

1. Combative parents present conflicting stories of "he said / she said," and make it very difficult to determine who is telling the truth. Often an alienating parent comes to believe what he or she is saying, and their presentation seems authentic.
2. When targeted parents present their side of the case, they are often angry and frustrated -- and as a result, they don't present very well in court. Judges often consider attitude as influential as content.
3. The children often support the alienating parent by telling the judge, their attorney and mental health professionals how they have been treated badly, and of their dislike, for the target parent. The reasoning skills of alienated children are often compromised, as is their ability to choose freely.
4. Alienated children often won't cooperate with therapeutic intervention, and courts have difficulty enforcing these orders.
5. Judges like to believe that what they do works and it is the right decision. When their decisions don't work, they often get exasperated with both parties.

What You can Do in Courts

Despite these difficulties there is plenty that you can do. Here are some suggestions for handling parental alienation in the courts:

1. Parenting plan orders should be entered as soon as possible.
2. Create an alienation map or chart for the judge, which shows him or her in five minutes what couldn't be said in five hours. This map should include all missed visits, and a list of all the denigrating phrases made by alienating spouse to the children, including the friends and/or extended family of the hated parent (if they are admissible in evidence). If you know how to make a graph, you can show the increase in missed visits in a very compelling and impactful way.
3. Most judges aren't warm to the phrase Parent Alienation Syndrome. Instead, ask the judge to please keep an eye open for visitation interference, as the case progresses, and describe for him or her the maligning behavior.
4. Get a court order for parenting therapy as soon as possible.
5. If orders are violated, go to court on a Rule To Show Cause for violation of the order as soon as possible. If you can't afford an attorney, then do this yourself. Write petition for rule, for visitation violation, for family therapy, or for makeup visitation.

You may be among the many alienated parents I have known, who have grown weary due to the repetitive stress fracture on your heart. Each time your visitation is interfered with, it has a cumulative affect. This can make you hyper sensitive, which easily magnifies your emotional response.

Because your emotions are flooding your ability to reason, writing and rewriting a petition with your attorney is a rational thing to do and gives your thoughts "breathing time." If you immediately act upon your anger, you are just going to make things worse -- and perhaps run the risk that the other parent will get an order of protection against you. Reflect upon the past consequences of your amped up anger. Did you write nasty emails, make hostile phone calls, yell at your child, become overly aggressive, or decide to retreat and do nothing?

The way to tell if your anger serves you is to always ask yourself the following four questions:

1. Does this anger further my constructive goals?
2. Does this anger further degenerate my relationship with my children?
3. In what ways does this anger help me?
4. In what ways does this anger help my spouse?

If your reactions are based upon what has been done to you, you can only respond with hatred. When you do this, you give the alienating parent the "upper hand," because he or she has provoked you to become the hateful person who they are portraying you to be to the children. Don't let someone else provoke, influence, and therefore control how you behave. You run the risk of actually becoming as miserable and dysfunctional of a person as they're trying to portray you to your children. When you react with hatred, you not only play into their hands, you're letting them steer your ship, letting them determine your present and future.

When Your Children Come Home, Who do You Want Them to Come Home to?

As you read this, you may be on the edge of giving up. You may be starting to feel that nothing can work against your former spouse's devotion to destroy your relationship with your children. Even though you may be physically invisible to your children, you will always be visible to them through stories, gossip and second hand reporting from all sources. When we lose a loved one, we often decide to live the way that the departed person would have wanted us to. In the same spirit, when you lose a child to alienation, you need to live as if he or she is watching you. Your long term goal is to become the person your child wants to come home to.

Michele F. Lowrance has been a domestic-relations judge in the Circuit Court of Illinois since 1995. A child of divorce who was raised by her grandparents, Judge Lowrance has been divorced and has devoted her professional life to helping those similarly situated.

Once a divorce lawyer in Pasadena helps settle your case, it's up to you to tell your family and friends the news. This isn't an easy conversation to have, but it's better that they hear the news from you directly instead of being surprised by secondhand gossip.

Getting a divorce qualifies as a significant life change, so it's a good idea to tell people in person whenever possible. If you can't tell them in person, pick up the phone. A text or an email can easily be misinterpreted, since there is no body language to help the recipient determine the context of your remarks.

When you tell people you are getting a divorce, keep the juicy personal details to a minimum. Although your emotions are running high at the moment, you want to avoid saying anything that you might be embarrassed by in the future. If you have children, you should refrain from negative comments about your spouse as a sign of respect for the children's relationship with him or her.

Older relatives or those with especially strong religious beliefs often view divorce as a sin. They may blame you for the breakup of your marriage, regardless of the actual circumstances. If you tell them before your divorce is finalized, they may try to convince you to change your mind. Dealing with this behavior can be frustrating. Be polite, but firm. Explain that while you respect their personal feelings about divorce, you are confident you've made the best decision for you.

When telling mutual friends about your divorce, they are likely to feel as if they need to choose sides in the matter. To keep conflict to a minimum, avoid venting excessively about your marital troubles and refrain from asking questions about when they've last spoken to your spouse.

An experienced California divorce attorney can help you with the legal aspects of ending your marriage, but finding the emotional support you need is a bit trickier. If your family and friends react poorly to your announcement, consider joining a divorce support group so you have a place to discuss your feelings with others who are going through similar experiences.

If you're considering aPasadena divorce, you may be wondering if there is a minimum length of time you must be married in order to receive alimony. While the length of your marriage doesn't determine if you can receive alimony, it is often a factor in how long the payments are made.

Alimony, sometimes called spousal support or maintenance, is a payment made by one spouse to the other in the event of a divorce. Alimony is for the financial support of the adult receiving the payments. Child support is for the needs of the children from the marriage and is determined separately.

In California, a marriage lasting 10 years or more is considered of long duration and thus eligible for extended alimony benefits. If a couple is married for less than 10 years, generally alimony eligibility is determined to be half the length of the marriage. For example, a couple married for six years would have three years of alimony eligibility. This is just a starting point for alimony awards, however. Many other factors are also considered.

Some of the factors that determine alimony awards are the health, age, and future earning prospects of the divorcing couple. For example, a 50 year old woman who has not held a job outside the home in 25 years would be much more likely to receive alimony than a 25 year old with an MBA. Contrary to popular belief, gender is not a factor in determining alimony awards. Alimony is concerned with earning potential alone.

There are four types of alimony awards:

• Temporary alimony is alimony awarded pending the divorce proceeding;
• Rehabilitative alimony is alimony given to allow the lesser earning spouse time to become self sufficient;
• Permanent alimony is paid until the death of one of the spouses or the remarriage of the recipient; and
• Reimbursement alimony is payment for expenses the spouse incurred during the marriage - such as paying for a graduate degree for the higher earning spouse.

A Pasadena matrimonial lawyer can provide advice regarding which type of alimony is most appropriate for your case.

Divorce attorneys in Pasadena have seen too many couples end their marriages because of other legal issues like bankruptcy, fraud and domestic abuse. Country music singer Rodney Atkins says it was his estranged wife's accusations of domestic violence that drove the couple to divorce. Recently, a Tennessee judge dismissed those charges.